Let's Mess w/V's Love Life :D

VarunaTT

As everyone knows, I had asked out someone I work with, L.  He said no, graciously, that he was flattered, but that he didn't mix work and personal stuffs, but that he was flattered (which I still am not sure is good/bad/neutral).  Totally understandable.  We have strengthened our friendship in the meantime.  I'm also in a bit of a different spot.  I'm still attracted to him, I enjoy the time we spend together, but I'm also enjoying being single for the first time and kinda feel fully into myself.

Do I ask him out again?

banana468

Don't ask him out.   He knew you were interested.  If you want to keep up a friendship then you could always do a 'friend crowd' meet up where he's welcome to show up with the group but I wouldn't double down.

Plus, do you think that he's long for the same employer?  Based on what you said what if he jumps ship and could interview with your new employer over the next few months? 

I'm in an industry where it feels big until you realize how many people from former companies know each other.  I'm glad that DH and I don't overlap in our careers. 

MNNEBride

I added Fill in the blank - I'd wait until you're no longer working together.

short+sassy

I am curious what might happen with L.  I remember he turned you down because he doesn't date coworkers.

I voted "no", because I feel the ball is in his court now.  You asked him out.  He declined because you all were coworkers.  You all will not be coworkers much longer.  I'm sure he realizes there might still be romantic interest on your part.  So I feel like, if he also sees that potential, it's now on him to ask you out.

But I also don't think it would be a big deal if you asked him out again.  I tend to be sensitive to rejection, so that's how I would feel about it jic he wasn't interested.

ei34

I voted no. You already asked. Who knows how things might play out in the next couple weeks now that you won’t be coworkers? But I’d let him follow up on being flattered / now it’s not mixing work with personal life.

MissKittyDanger

I say no - but I would also kinda drop you're still interested WHEN YOU'RE NOT COWORKERS

That way L knows you're still interested but says the ball is in his court.

charlotte989875

I would slow play this a bit. Are you still hanging out regularly? If so how does things change once you’re no longer working together. See if it develops into more once working together isn’t an issue. 

VarunaTT

To clarify, I did mean after my last day here, not right now.

We do still hang out/do things together. I would say that it's not as much as it was, but that's true of everyone in my life right now; I've very much been nesting and drawing into myself lately.

I haven't made any choices, and to be frank, I just might not (which I guess is a choice into itself).  It's taken me a long while to get where I am right now and I'm enjoying it.  IDK that I feel like adding anything new in the personal sphere, when I'm making a big professional change.

ILoveBeachMusic

VarunaTT said:

To clarify, I did mean after my last day here, not right now.

We do still hang out/do things together. I would say that it's not as much as it was, but that's true of everyone in my life right now; I've very much been nesting and drawing into myself lately.

I haven't made any choices, and to be frank, I just might not (which I guess is a choice into itself).  It's taken me a long while to get where I am right now and I'm enjoying it.  IDK that I feel like adding anything new in the personal sphere, when I'm making a big professional change.

I think you have your answer. Don't ask him. Just continue the way things are and see if anything happens.

MyNameIsNot

short+sassy said:

I am curious what might happen with L.  I remember he turned you down because he doesn't date coworkers.

I voted "no", because I feel the ball is in his court now.  You asked him out.  He declined because you all were coworkers.  You all will not be coworkers much longer.  I'm sure he realizes there might still be romantic interest on your part.  So I feel like, if he also sees that potential, it's now on him to ask you out.

But I also don't think it would be a big deal if you asked him out again.  I tend to be sensitive to rejection, so that's how I would feel about it jic he wasn't interested.

This is where I am too. You're still friends and have a connection that will hopefully last well after your last day. If he's interested, the door is open for him to ask you. But I wouldn't ask again after he declined the first time. 

climbingsingle

Also voted no because I feel that the ball is in his court now. 

banana468

I will also say:
-DH asked me out 19 years ago and I laughed, told him he didn't want to date me and then felt guilty.  We were friends and had been for years.

-THEN I started to have feelings for him and realized I made a bad move.  But DH emphasized to me later that he was not going to ask again because he didn't want to be rejected.  It's now a laugh when people say, "Who made the first move?" because his answer was, "Well she FINALLY realized that I was a good guy."

My point: you've made it known and you're friends so keep the communication going and if something will happen he knows that the door is open. 

MissKittyDanger

banana468 said:

I will also say:
-DH asked me out 19 years ago and I laughed, told him he didn't want to date me and then felt guilty.  We were friends and had been for years.

-THEN I started to have feelings for him and realized I made a bad move.  But DH emphasized to me later that he was not going to ask again because he didn't want to be rejected.  It's now a laugh when people say, "Who made the first move?" because his answer was, "Well she FINALLY realized that I was a good guy."

My point: you've made it known and you're friends so keep the communication going and if something will happen he knows that the door is open. 

OK but this is weirdly funny/cute  

kerbohl

banana468 said:

I will also say:
-DH asked me out 19 years ago and I laughed, told him he didn't want to date me and then felt guilty.  We were friends and had been for years.

-THEN I started to have feelings for him and realized I made a bad move.  But DH emphasized to me later that he was not going to ask again because he didn't want to be rejected.  It's now a laugh when people say, "Who made the first move?" because his answer was, "Well she FINALLY realized that I was a good guy."

My point: you've made it known and you're friends so keep the communication going and if something will happen he knows that the door is open. 

Sort of similar for me and hubby, but not nearly as cute.  He didn't know how to ask women out, so he tried to invite himself along to an outing my dad and I were doing to an archery shop, and thought that when I said "no" it was because I didn't want to date him.  It was because I wanted to do something with my dad .... we stayed friends for two years after that and then started dating.

levioosa

I’m team no because: 

He knows where you stand. He used the rationale that because you were coworkers, he didn’t want to date. Perhaps that was the entire thing, or maybe it was the least awkward way to him to let you down. You said you have a fun friendship now. He knows you’ve offered before. The ball is in his court. And it sounds like either way you’re happy being friends, or taking it a step further. I think if you try pressing the issue you risk ruining potentially a fun friendship, and this is not a serious make or break situation to you. 

NOLABridesmaid

Yes, the ball is in his court. You never know what might happen later on, but he knows you are interested. He may also be seeing someone else at the moment too.