Monday Prudie

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I am a woman in my 40s, and as a child, I was a victim of sexual abuse. As a teen and adult, I have never had an interest in pursuing any kind of romantic relationship as a result. (To the disappointment of several romantic prospects, as well as protracted sexual harassment from some of my teenage peers at the time.) As I am now in my 40s, people look askance when I say I’ve never been in a relationship. How do I navigate these kinds of conversations in a way where I don’t have to go into my history but also express that I am still not interested in relationships so well-meaning people don’t try and set me up on dates? Or tell me I just haven’t found the “right person” yet?

—Happily on My Own

CharmedPam

I get that remark sometimes too. Not often, most people are pretty respectful. My response is “you know what? I’m living my best life and I’m enjoying what I do in my free time. i’m always busy doing something”. It usually shuts people up. 

MyNameIsNot

"I'm not interested in dating right now" and bean dip. Seriously, most people don't care about your dating history. For someone who is that pushy, "why do you want to know?" or a straight out "none of your business" will do. 

short+sassy

There is no reason the LW needs to bring up that they have never been in a relationship.  That is unusual and it will invite questions.

If someone asks about their dating history, which doesn't sound like something people normally ask about, they can refuse to answer or leave it vague.  Something like, "I didn't date much when I was younger.  I've just never been interested in a romantic relationship and am still not."

But I suspect what she is mostly running into is people find out she is single.  Have the PERFECT person for her.  She volunteers too MUCH information, ie that she's never been in a relationship which then leads people into asking intrusive questions.

Probably a better response is, "Thanks for thinking of me.  I realize most people want to be in a romantic relationship.  But I have no interest in that and am very happy being single."