Wedding Woes

Tips on compromising with fiance about whether to invite kids to the wedding?

edited December 2022 in Wedding Woes
Any advice would be appreciated!

Re: Tips on compromising with fiance about whether to invite kids to the wedding?

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    Any advice would be appreciated!
    Can you advise if either of you have kids in your immediate family and the kind of wedding you're having? 

    We invited the kids of our cousins but not the children of friends unless they were nursing and they were a package deal w/ mom.  If we got married now that DH's cousins are parents to literally 70 kids total, we would probably opt not to invite them but would have invited his brother's kids.

    There are a lot of variables that can be at play.  For DH and me when we got married we were about 1/3 way down in his family and other cousins invited kids.  We did not want to upset the apple cart and we were also not having a super formal wedding.  Our reception was about average for the festivities (in all hall, plated dinner, dancing and drinks) and our ceremony was in a church.  We're Catholic and so are DH's cousins so the concept of "kid ruining the ceremony" was a non issue because the parents are very much used to bringing kids to church and knowing when to bring them out of it.   For us it went well.

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    We were definitely a more the merrier type, and would have rather had our friends come to the wedding with their kids than skip it because childcare complications. But very few of our friends and family had kids at the time. I think the easiest way is to invite by level of closeness. My sister's kids would obviously be invited but not necessarily my co-workers' kids. 
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    I'm going to assume that one of you wants a completely child-free wedding and the other does not.

    The guest list is up to both of you, equally.  If it's the scenario I mentioned, I think a fair compromise would be to invite the children of immediate family members, but no other children.  

    Some people think it has to be a choice between "everybody's children" or "no children" and that is simply not true.  It is perfectly fine, etiquette-wise, to invite some family's children and not others.  Though, harmony-wise, that tactic is best when it is kept to "circles".  Like the children of immediate family and/or closest friends, but not other children.

    But the ultimate answer is whatever the two of you decide is fair, while keeping the other person's preference in mind.
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    How many kids and what type of wedding? We had a formal wedding that started at night- we opted not to invite kids other than our niece and nephew who were in the wedding (and who’s parents sent them home after dinner). 

    Talk through what’s the argument in favor of and against having them there? 
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    Like everyone else, need more details

    - how many kids
    - ages
    - venue/formality
    - food {might be a huge factor for parents}
    - times

    I have a 4yr old and unless necessary, I wouldn't invite her to a wedding.
    If she was involved, then she'd obv go to ceremony - depending on people, maybe stick around for dinner and a bit of dancing.

    Some people may not have an option to not bring kids - age or family situation - so that may be a factor for some people coming to your wedding also.
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    If you have the space, invite the kids, this is probably one of your FI's major requests and inputs.  Not all of them are going to show up and some families will choose to get a sitter or there'll be activities going on that all of the kids can't attend.  If they're going to eat all of the dessert, you didn't order nearly enough for ALL of your guests!  With 285 guests, you're going to be too busy to focus on 35 of them if 100% show up.  Also, all of the Daycare and School Age kids know how to sit and behave while watching something in the front of the room.  
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