Tuesday

VarunaTT

Well, this is good news, even if it's kinda not what I wanted to happen right away.  I've been "promoted" from the floater paralegal to working for the main partner (the most senior partner doesn't do trials anymore, but still comes into the office).  Which is okay, it wasn't really something I felt I could say no to; I have the experience and abilities, and it doesn't change much about my training.  Just changes what the caseload looks like.  I'm fighting imposter syndrome hard core, but as one of my friends just said, "They see your worth."  On top of this, I didn't realize his 2nd paralegal (J) was a brand new paralegal.  I have no idea why anyone would've matched that up, but it makes it even more obvious that the firm let go of the previous office manager for a good reason.  So, I'll be his main paralegal more than likely and she will transition to secondary paralegal working as my backup and main for one of the associate attorneys.  I hope there are no hard feelings there; at the same time 19 years of XP vs. 0 is an easy call.

Otherwise, SSDD.  Just doing a lot of reading, gaming, and relaxing when I'm home.  This last week has been a lot of people-ing with new people and it's still taking it out of me.

mrsconn23

Congrats @VarunaTT!!  That's amazing! 

I'm dragging ass hardcore today.  DH was up at 3am to catch a flight.  I never went back to sleep.  I can't wait to go home, LOL.  It just DefConn and me hanging out until Friday.  I'm going to try and cram in as much TV that DH doesn't watch with me as possible, especially since Firefly Lane season 2 just came out. 

SSDD otherwise. 

Casadena

My new team is doing a volunteer/teambuilding activity and then happy hour today and we're leaving at 12:30. Trying to decide if it's too much to do a Zumba class from 11-11:45 at the gym downstairs before we go. I want to, but kind of feel like it's pushing it? My current team is doing a holiday outing on Thursday - so this week is feeling pretty short already. 

I found out that i'm getting an 8% raise when I start the new position next month!!! I'm SO excited. I wasn't expecting any raise becuase my current salary was already over the top of the target range for the new job but they adjusted since i'm internal. Also, H got a JOB OFFER yesterday! He's hoping to start early January and it's a huge salary bump from his prior job with lots more focused and reasonable work  - and he'll be working for a prior supervisor that he absolutely loved. I think it will be a really good fit for him.  

We're both a little worried about sick kiddos/appointment while we're both working BUT my mom just told me she's officially retiring at the end of this semester (she technically retired from teaching years ago, but has worked part time at school since then for benefits) so she will be available to help whenever we need it and is excited to do it.  It's such a huge weight off.  I dont' want to get ahead of myself but i'm feeling more optimistic about life than I have in a long time!

Casadena

@VarunaTT that's incredible! Congratulations and I'm so glad you're working for a place now that clearly recognizes your talent and abilities

MyNameIsNot

@Casadena, take the class! You can always log in for an extra 45 minutes tonight or whatever if you feel like you need to catch up, but in reality you're sticking around for the old team longer than you needed to. Take the you time. 

I am again convinced that Tuesdays are the worst days. I'm just not feeling any of my stuff right now. I've been in my role for about 18 months and am starting to think about whether it's time to think about what's next. I've just never really clicked with this team or most of my projects. There's a role that posted this week that is more similar to what I did before and that I think I'd prefer, but it's a one year STA. I have no idea how that would work. I'm debating talking to my manager about it in our 1-1 tomorrow. 

Nothing much else going on. I took my first yoga class last night and I think I might sign up for a package, but I'm cheap and it's not. 

Casadena

True @MyNameIsNot!  I think i'm going to do it.  

What does one year STA mean? ETA: it came to me, hopefully it's something they could work with you on!

also, yoga is one thing that i don't mind doing at home - i love Yoga With Adrienne on youtube if you have access to that!

mrsconn23

@Casadena, y'all deserve this wave of good news and some semblance of feeling 'settled' after how chaotic and stressful it's been the last year or so.  Yay for all of that!  

ei34

So very happy to hear all of that @Casadena, wonderful!
@VarunaTT the new paralegal will be lucky to be working with and learning from you!

Pretty SSDD.  Just crushed an intense deadline I wasn't sure I'd make.  So feeling relieved.

MyNameIsNot

STA is short term assignment. They're usually shorter and they hold your old job, but I'm assuming they wouldn't for a year. I guess I need a lot more info. 

short+sassy

@VarunaTT, awesome and congrats!  I know it's been a lot of peopling for you lately, which can definitely take a toll.  But at least it's been good peopling!

@Casadena, I love the "double" good news for your family!  It's been such a hard year for you all, I'm glad things are looking up.  I know your H needed to leave his last job to make it easier to juggle G's medical needs, but what an extra bonus to land in a much better job when he was ready to re-enter the workforce.

We have another showing today for the duplex that's next door to the one we are already under contract on.  Our realtor team is down with the flu, so my H is handling it.

That particular duplex has a tenant who is moving out of one of the units at the end of the month.  Our realtor originally told me we need to get another tenant in there, because it's more attractive to an investment buyer if it's fully rented out.  But the buyer coming today is looking to owner-occupy, so we've held off on putting up a rental ad.  That would be a cherry on top if they put in an offer, because we wouldn't have to go through the hassle of looking for another tenant. 

charlotte989875

Congratulations to everyone with all the good news here!! 

I’m, admittedly, going to bring the vibe down a bit. H and I are just not in a good place right now. I’m tired of him leaving so much for hunting (I just counted- he’s been/ will have been gone 23 days since September 22- all while we’ve had construction happening), I’m tired of him not being able to communicate (when I shared how hard solo parenting in a construction zone is he said “okay”), and I feel like we’re just not on the same page. He wants to do even more hunting/ outdoors stuff; I want M to have a sibling and want another baby. We talked about most of this last night and he apologized for the communication stuff but we’re just not in sync. I’m sad, and tired, and don’t know where we’re headed. Well I know where H is headed- out of town again Thursday morning. 

MissKittyDanger

Just for sheer joy, this M's perks of being a girl dad

Katie on Instagram: “Girl dad perks 🥰 He doesn't mind, just annoyed I'm taking photo 😂”

He's not mad about it, he's just not big on photos lol

Casadena

oh man @charlotte989875 that's such a hard place to be.  I'm sorry you're going through all of that and H doesn't seem to be a help or comfort for you. 

banana468

charlotte989875 said:

Congratulations to everyone with all the good news here!! 

I’m, admittedly, going to bring the vibe down a bit. H and I are just not in a good place right now. I’m tired of him leaving so much for hunting (I just counted- he’s been/ will have been gone 23 days since September 22- all while we’ve had construction happening), I’m tired of him not being able to communicate (when I shared how hard solo parenting in a construction zone is he said “okay”), and I feel like we’re just not on the same page. He wants to do even more hunting/ outdoors stuff; I want M to have a sibling and want another baby. We talked about most of this last night and he apologized for the communication stuff but we’re just not in sync. I’m sad, and tired, and don’t know where we’re headed. Well I know where H is headed- out of town again Thursday morning. 

I'm sorry @charlotte989875.

I hope you two are able to navigate towards some kind of resolution.  I'll be honest that I  would also have issues if DH was out of the house for nearly a full month in the last 2.5 of them especially if most or all of that travel was for pleasure while I contended with a toddler and home renovations and only as the kids started to get to a more self sufficient phase was I more OK with him even having his "tune out alone" time in his man cave in the basement while I juggle other things.  That toddler phase alone requires to much hands-on time that I needed him to jump in just for my sense of sanity.  

charlotte989875

banana468 said:

charlotte989875 said:

Congratulations to everyone with all the good news here!! 

I’m, admittedly, going to bring the vibe down a bit. H and I are just not in a good place right now. I’m tired of him leaving so much for hunting (I just counted- he’s been/ will have been gone 23 days since September 22- all while we’ve had construction happening), I’m tired of him not being able to communicate (when I shared how hard solo parenting in a construction zone is he said “okay”), and I feel like we’re just not on the same page. He wants to do even more hunting/ outdoors stuff; I want M to have a sibling and want another baby. We talked about most of this last night and he apologized for the communication stuff but we’re just not in sync. I’m sad, and tired, and don’t know where we’re headed. Well I know where H is headed- out of town again Thursday morning. 

I'm sorry @charlotte989875.

I hope you two are able to navigate towards some kind of resolution.  I'll be honest that I  would also have issues if DH was out of the house for nearly a full month in the last 2.5 of them especially if most or all of that travel was for pleasure while I contended with a toddler and home renovations and only as the kids started to get to a more self sufficient phase was I more OK with him even having his "tune out alone" time in his man cave in the basement while I juggle other things.  That toddler phase alone requires to much hands-on time that I needed him to jump in just for my sense of sanity.  

Thank you for this- sometimes I feel like I’m being unreasonable about the amount of time he’s gone, but likes it’s all for fun and our toddler is really over the house situation (I mean we all are) and it’s a lot of work. I’m trying to get through this weekend and then we’ll work on dealing it with it then. 

VarunaTT

@charlotte989875 I'd be freaking irate.  That's basically half of the days you're talking about here.  Nope.

IDK what to tell you to do, but he needs a big ole' STFU Ho Sit Down card and get to grips with reality.  I'm sure lots of parents want to do things other than parenting 50% of the time, but too goddamn bad, you're a parent now.  You're his wife, not his goddamn nanny, housekeeper, construction manager, etc.  Hell, I'm irate for you right now.  My petty ass would make sure that the days he's home, I'm out doing something where I'm unreachable too.

Just big hugs.  That's a lot.  I hope you can get this worked out.  

banana468

charlotte989875 said:

banana468 said:

charlotte989875 said:

Congratulations to everyone with all the good news here!! 

I’m, admittedly, going to bring the vibe down a bit. H and I are just not in a good place right now. I’m tired of him leaving so much for hunting (I just counted- he’s been/ will have been gone 23 days since September 22- all while we’ve had construction happening), I’m tired of him not being able to communicate (when I shared how hard solo parenting in a construction zone is he said “okay”), and I feel like we’re just not on the same page. He wants to do even more hunting/ outdoors stuff; I want M to have a sibling and want another baby. We talked about most of this last night and he apologized for the communication stuff but we’re just not in sync. I’m sad, and tired, and don’t know where we’re headed. Well I know where H is headed- out of town again Thursday morning. 

I'm sorry @charlotte989875.

I hope you two are able to navigate towards some kind of resolution.  I'll be honest that I  would also have issues if DH was out of the house for nearly a full month in the last 2.5 of them especially if most or all of that travel was for pleasure while I contended with a toddler and home renovations and only as the kids started to get to a more self sufficient phase was I more OK with him even having his "tune out alone" time in his man cave in the basement while I juggle other things.  That toddler phase alone requires to much hands-on time that I needed him to jump in just for my sense of sanity.  

Thank you for this- sometimes I feel like I’m being unreasonable about the amount of time he’s gone, but likes it’s all for fun and our toddler is really over the house situation (I mean we all are) and it’s a lot of work. I’m trying to get through this weekend and then we’ll work on dealing it with it then. 

Yeah - at the toddler phase we were able to get anything done by having a contained "play space" by bolting baby gates together.  It's so hard when you're trying to get things done and your toddler wants to be a toddler and your zones aren't toddler approved.   It's so much more for mom and dad when you're trying to parent in a non baby zone.

Casadena

charlotte989875 said:

banana468 said:

charlotte989875 said:

Congratulations to everyone with all the good news here!! 

I’m, admittedly, going to bring the vibe down a bit. H and I are just not in a good place right now. I’m tired of him leaving so much for hunting (I just counted- he’s been/ will have been gone 23 days since September 22- all while we’ve had construction happening), I’m tired of him not being able to communicate (when I shared how hard solo parenting in a construction zone is he said “okay”), and I feel like we’re just not on the same page. He wants to do even more hunting/ outdoors stuff; I want M to have a sibling and want another baby. We talked about most of this last night and he apologized for the communication stuff but we’re just not in sync. I’m sad, and tired, and don’t know where we’re headed. Well I know where H is headed- out of town again Thursday morning. 

I'm sorry @charlotte989875.

I hope you two are able to navigate towards some kind of resolution.  I'll be honest that I  would also have issues if DH was out of the house for nearly a full month in the last 2.5 of them especially if most or all of that travel was for pleasure while I contended with a toddler and home renovations and only as the kids started to get to a more self sufficient phase was I more OK with him even having his "tune out alone" time in his man cave in the basement while I juggle other things.  That toddler phase alone requires to much hands-on time that I needed him to jump in just for my sense of sanity.  

Thank you for this- sometimes I feel like I’m being unreasonable about the amount of time he’s gone, but likes it’s all for fun and our toddler is really over the house situation (I mean we all are) and it’s a lot of work. I’m trying to get through this weekend and then we’ll work on dealing it with it then. 

you are not being unreasonable at all IMO. I would not be ok with this at all. Even if this was your "agreement" or understanding (that it would be ok for him to be away so much) when you had a kid - things change, perspectives change, and its important that he acknowledges he may not get to do 100% of what he wants to do when you have other things in your life that take priority right now.  Kids and construction are certainly and objective priority.

charlotte989875

VarunaTT said:

@charlotte989875 I'd be freaking irate.  That's basically half of the days you're talking about here.  Nope.

IDK what to tell you to do, but he needs a big ole' STFU Ho Sit Down card and get to grips with reality.  I'm sure lots of parents want to do things other than parenting 50% of the time, but too goddamn bad, you're a parent now.  You're his wife, not his goddamn nanny, housekeeper, construction manager, etc.  Hell, I'm irate for you right now.  My petty ass would make sure that the days he's home, I'm out doing something where I'm unreachable too.

Just big hugs.  That's a lot.  I hope you can get this worked out.  

My therapist 100% agrees with you. She’s surprised I’m not more angry, and honestly I’m too tired and sad to be angry. But I’m sure angry is coming. 

charlotte989875

Casadena said:

charlotte989875 said:

banana468 said:

charlotte989875 said:

Congratulations to everyone with all the good news here!! 

I’m, admittedly, going to bring the vibe down a bit. H and I are just not in a good place right now. I’m tired of him leaving so much for hunting (I just counted- he’s been/ will have been gone 23 days since September 22- all while we’ve had construction happening), I’m tired of him not being able to communicate (when I shared how hard solo parenting in a construction zone is he said “okay”), and I feel like we’re just not on the same page. He wants to do even more hunting/ outdoors stuff; I want M to have a sibling and want another baby. We talked about most of this last night and he apologized for the communication stuff but we’re just not in sync. I’m sad, and tired, and don’t know where we’re headed. Well I know where H is headed- out of town again Thursday morning. 

I'm sorry @charlotte989875.

I hope you two are able to navigate towards some kind of resolution.  I'll be honest that I  would also have issues if DH was out of the house for nearly a full month in the last 2.5 of them especially if most or all of that travel was for pleasure while I contended with a toddler and home renovations and only as the kids started to get to a more self sufficient phase was I more OK with him even having his "tune out alone" time in his man cave in the basement while I juggle other things.  That toddler phase alone requires to much hands-on time that I needed him to jump in just for my sense of sanity.  

Thank you for this- sometimes I feel like I’m being unreasonable about the amount of time he’s gone, but likes it’s all for fun and our toddler is really over the house situation (I mean we all are) and it’s a lot of work. I’m trying to get through this weekend and then we’ll work on dealing it with it then. 

you are not being unreasonable at all IMO. I would not be ok with this at all. Even if this was your "agreement" or understanding (that it would be ok for him to be away so much) when you had a kid - things change, perspectives change, and its important that he acknowledges he may not get to do 100% of what he wants to do when you have other things in your life that take priority right now.  Kids and construction are certainly and objective priority.

Yah this is what’s hard- like I get this may have been the agreement when we first got together but that was before M, and WAY before we had massive construction but H doesn’t see it that way. I think he sees it as “this is the time of year I go away to hunt, so I go away to hunt”. 

charlotte989875

Thankfully we have the living room gates off but he loves to run, so he wants to run in there and everywhere and run around. Literally last night he was yelling “run around the wood” (we just got the wood floors put in). It’s a lot. 

banana468

charlotte989875 said:

Casadena said:

charlotte989875 said:

banana468 said:

charlotte989875 said:

Congratulations to everyone with all the good news here!! 

I’m, admittedly, going to bring the vibe down a bit. H and I are just not in a good place right now. I’m tired of him leaving so much for hunting (I just counted- he’s been/ will have been gone 23 days since September 22- all while we’ve had construction happening), I’m tired of him not being able to communicate (when I shared how hard solo parenting in a construction zone is he said “okay”), and I feel like we’re just not on the same page. He wants to do even more hunting/ outdoors stuff; I want M to have a sibling and want another baby. We talked about most of this last night and he apologized for the communication stuff but we’re just not in sync. I’m sad, and tired, and don’t know where we’re headed. Well I know where H is headed- out of town again Thursday morning. 

I'm sorry @charlotte989875.

I hope you two are able to navigate towards some kind of resolution.  I'll be honest that I  would also have issues if DH was out of the house for nearly a full month in the last 2.5 of them especially if most or all of that travel was for pleasure while I contended with a toddler and home renovations and only as the kids started to get to a more self sufficient phase was I more OK with him even having his "tune out alone" time in his man cave in the basement while I juggle other things.  That toddler phase alone requires to much hands-on time that I needed him to jump in just for my sense of sanity.  

Thank you for this- sometimes I feel like I’m being unreasonable about the amount of time he’s gone, but likes it’s all for fun and our toddler is really over the house situation (I mean we all are) and it’s a lot of work. I’m trying to get through this weekend and then we’ll work on dealing it with it then. 

you are not being unreasonable at all IMO. I would not be ok with this at all. Even if this was your "agreement" or understanding (that it would be ok for him to be away so much) when you had a kid - things change, perspectives change, and its important that he acknowledges he may not get to do 100% of what he wants to do when you have other things in your life that take priority right now.  Kids and construction are certainly and objective priority.

Yah this is what’s hard- like I get this may have been the agreement when we first got together but that was before M, and WAY before we had massive construction but H doesn’t see it that way. I think he sees it as “this is the time of year I go away to hunt, so I go away to hunt”. 

Yeah - I realize that you're painting the one-sided picture but that's BS.  I could also say that 20 years ago I always went out on Thursday nights til midnight and on Saturdays I sleep in.  But life has moved on.

The picture painted is that your H is seeing that having a kid shouldn't change his lifestyle and is not understanding that by his actions he's essentially decided that this is a you thing.  

I wouldn't be OK if DH was out hunting for 23 of the last 45 days at all but at the toddler phase?  I would go through phases where I wanted to be spiteful which also wouldn't accomplish anything but would temporarily feel good.  I hope he's able to actually understand that right now his prioritization needs reprioritizing.

short+sassy

charlotte989875 said:

Casadena said:

charlotte989875 said:

banana468 said:

charlotte989875 said:

Congratulations to everyone with all the good news here!! 

I’m, admittedly, going to bring the vibe down a bit. H and I are just not in a good place right now. I’m tired of him leaving so much for hunting (I just counted- he’s been/ will have been gone 23 days since September 22- all while we’ve had construction happening), I’m tired of him not being able to communicate (when I shared how hard solo parenting in a construction zone is he said “okay”), and I feel like we’re just not on the same page. He wants to do even more hunting/ outdoors stuff; I want M to have a sibling and want another baby. We talked about most of this last night and he apologized for the communication stuff but we’re just not in sync. I’m sad, and tired, and don’t know where we’re headed. Well I know where H is headed- out of town again Thursday morning. 

I'm sorry @charlotte989875.

I hope you two are able to navigate towards some kind of resolution.  I'll be honest that I  would also have issues if DH was out of the house for nearly a full month in the last 2.5 of them especially if most or all of that travel was for pleasure while I contended with a toddler and home renovations and only as the kids started to get to a more self sufficient phase was I more OK with him even having his "tune out alone" time in his man cave in the basement while I juggle other things.  That toddler phase alone requires to much hands-on time that I needed him to jump in just for my sense of sanity.  

Thank you for this- sometimes I feel like I’m being unreasonable about the amount of time he’s gone, but likes it’s all for fun and our toddler is really over the house situation (I mean we all are) and it’s a lot of work. I’m trying to get through this weekend and then we’ll work on dealing it with it then. 

you are not being unreasonable at all IMO. I would not be ok with this at all. Even if this was your "agreement" or understanding (that it would be ok for him to be away so much) when you had a kid - things change, perspectives change, and its important that he acknowledges he may not get to do 100% of what he wants to do when you have other things in your life that take priority right now.  Kids and construction are certainly and objective priority.

Yah this is what’s hard- like I get this may have been the agreement when we first got together but that was before M, and WAY before we had massive construction but H doesn’t see it that way. I think he sees it as “this is the time of year I go away to hunt, so I go away to hunt”. 

Even trying to take away my bias for naturally being on your side, he's the one being totally unreasonable with this and I'm angry for you.

Sept 22nd-this upcoming weekend is 12 weekends.  I'm adding four more days to your 23 days, to account for Thurs.-Sun. of this weekend.  That's 6-7 weekends he has been gone over that timeframe.  And not normal-sized weekends.  Long weekends, if they typically start Thursdays.  I'd have an issue with my H being gone that often for a hobby and we don't even have a child, much less such a young one.

And the weekends are your primary free time also.  So while he is 100% enjoying his free time.  Your responsibility for childcare and household chores is doubled.  On top of all of that being harder because you all are in the middle of a construction zone.

Life changes and people need to change with it.  That's great he was able to go hunting most weekends when he was single and even more so after getting married and you didn't have an issue with it, pre-Baby M.  But he's a parent now and owns a house.  He doesn't have the luxury anymore to take off for half of hunting season.  FWIW, I think 1-2 hunting trips per season would be fair and maybe that could be increased as M gets older.

I know he must understand this on some level, even if he doesn't want to face it.  I'm sorry to hear that things have become so difficult between the two of you.  These are weighty issues, especially the disagreement about having another child.  I hope you all can come to a compromise that everyone is happy with.

banana468

short+sassy said:

charlotte989875 said:

Casadena said:

charlotte989875 said:

banana468 said:

charlotte989875 said:

Congratulations to everyone with all the good news here!! 

I’m, admittedly, going to bring the vibe down a bit. H and I are just not in a good place right now. I’m tired of him leaving so much for hunting (I just counted- he’s been/ will have been gone 23 days since September 22- all while we’ve had construction happening), I’m tired of him not being able to communicate (when I shared how hard solo parenting in a construction zone is he said “okay”), and I feel like we’re just not on the same page. He wants to do even more hunting/ outdoors stuff; I want M to have a sibling and want another baby. We talked about most of this last night and he apologized for the communication stuff but we’re just not in sync. I’m sad, and tired, and don’t know where we’re headed. Well I know where H is headed- out of town again Thursday morning. 

I'm sorry @charlotte989875.

I hope you two are able to navigate towards some kind of resolution.  I'll be honest that I  would also have issues if DH was out of the house for nearly a full month in the last 2.5 of them especially if most or all of that travel was for pleasure while I contended with a toddler and home renovations and only as the kids started to get to a more self sufficient phase was I more OK with him even having his "tune out alone" time in his man cave in the basement while I juggle other things.  That toddler phase alone requires to much hands-on time that I needed him to jump in just for my sense of sanity.  

Thank you for this- sometimes I feel like I’m being unreasonable about the amount of time he’s gone, but likes it’s all for fun and our toddler is really over the house situation (I mean we all are) and it’s a lot of work. I’m trying to get through this weekend and then we’ll work on dealing it with it then. 

you are not being unreasonable at all IMO. I would not be ok with this at all. Even if this was your "agreement" or understanding (that it would be ok for him to be away so much) when you had a kid - things change, perspectives change, and its important that he acknowledges he may not get to do 100% of what he wants to do when you have other things in your life that take priority right now.  Kids and construction are certainly and objective priority.

Yah this is what’s hard- like I get this may have been the agreement when we first got together but that was before M, and WAY before we had massive construction but H doesn’t see it that way. I think he sees it as “this is the time of year I go away to hunt, so I go away to hunt”. 

Even trying to take away my bias for naturally being on your side, he's the one being totally unreasonable with this and I'm angry for you.

Sept 22nd-this upcoming weekend is 12 weekends.  I'm adding four more days to your 23 days, to account for Thurs.-Sun. of this weekend.  That's 6-7 weekends he has been gone over that timeframe.  And not normal-sized weekends.  Long weekends, if they typically start Thursdays.  I'd have an issue with my H being gone that often for a hobby and we don't even have a child, much less such a young one.

And the weekends are your primary free time also.  So while he is 100% enjoying his free time.  Your responsibility for childcare and household chores is doubled.  On top of all of that being harder because you all are in the middle of a construction zone.

Life changes and people need to change with it.  That's great he was able to go hunting most weekends when he was single and even more so after getting married and you didn't have an issue with it, pre-Baby M.  But he's a parent now and owns a house.  He doesn't have the luxury anymore to take off for half of hunting season.  FWIW, I think 1-2 hunting trips per season would be fair and maybe that could be increased as M gets older.

I know he must understand this on some level, even if he doesn't want to face it.  I'm sorry to hear that things have become so difficult between the two of you.  These are weighty issues, especially the disagreement about having another child.  I hope you all can come to a compromise that everyone is happy with.

Yup.  At the toddler phase it was almost better when DH was gone for a weeknight vs a weekend because on the weekdays the kids were busy in daycare and activities.  On the weekends without having the other half of the tag team it's all you and that makes me more angry for you @charlotte989875.   By doing this he has to understand that it's more work for you and the current balance is now that his free time is orders of magnitude greater than yours.  He needs to understand that and realize that if he is intending to be in a partnership then you cannot behave and use phrases like, "This is what I do in the autumn," as a justification for leaving your partner alone to do something you LIKE to do but do not NEED to do.

banana468

And because I'm fired up I'll add: if hunting is really important to him then right now with everything going on it should come out of his vacation time vs. the weekend time.  And if the answer is that he doesn't want to burn his vacation time then he needs to be called out that he can't treat his wife and son better than he treats his employer. 

charlotte989875

Thank you all- it’s really good to get perspectives other than people who are IRL. 

I told him last night that I felt like I was giving up a lot for him to be able to do what he wants and he was genuinely shocked when I pointed out that him going away so much meant I had less time to do thing I wanted to and that I had to schedule around when he decided he wanted to leave. I feel like this is a learned naivety- like he just expects to go to the woods when he wants and unless I spell it out for him he doesn’t understand (or claims not to understand) how it impacts other people, particularly me.

banana468

charlotte989875 said:

Thank you all- it’s really good to get perspectives other than people who are IRL. 

I told him last night that I felt like I was giving up a lot for him to be able to do what he wants and he was genuinely shocked when I pointed out that him going away so much meant I had less time to do thing I wanted to and that I had to schedule around when he decided he wanted to leave. I feel like this is a learned naivety- like he just expects to go to the woods when he wants and unless I spell it out for him he doesn’t understand (or claims not to understand) how it impacts other people, particularly me.

Does he really think this?  That his actions don't impact others??

charlotte989875

banana468 said:

And because I'm fired up I'll add: if hunting is really important to him then right now with everything going on it should come out of his vacation time vs. the weekend time.  And if the answer is that he doesn't want to burn his vacation time then he needs to be called out that he can't treat his wife and son better than he treats his employer. 

That’s a great question- I don’t know how much time he has left for the year or if he’s used all/ most of it? 

MissKittyDanger

@charlotte989875 My dad was a hunter - he only did November though.
Why is he going so often?

Definitely not an easy spot to be in - regardless of the situation  

mrsconn23

Oh @charlotte989875!  I don't have much more advice to offer than what's been said here.  Big old ((hugs)) for you.  

mrsconn23

banana468 said:

charlotte989875 said:

Thank you all- it’s really good to get perspectives other than people who are IRL. 

I told him last night that I felt like I was giving up a lot for him to be able to do what he wants and he was genuinely shocked when I pointed out that him going away so much meant I had less time to do thing I wanted to and that I had to schedule around when he decided he wanted to leave. I feel like this is a learned naivety- like he just expects to go to the woods when he wants and unless I spell it out for him he doesn’t understand (or claims not to understand) how it impacts other people, particularly me.

Does he really think this?  That his actions don't impact others??

You are and honestly, I'd make a list at this point.  Some people need it spelled out for them. 

Also, I'd genuinely ask him if the tables were turned and he was solo parenting DURING A RENO for that much time if he'd be happy about it. 

Part of me wants to tell you to book a long weekend ASAP (like at least 3 nights) and tell the grandmas not to help him unless there's a true emergency and see how it goes for him.