"Oh, I have other plans! I'm sorry I can't make it!'

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

Well, it’s the winter holiday season and I hate it. I am Jewish and really cannot stand the endless barrage of Christmas In America, starting before Halloween. I work at a large organization and am in a leadership role, so I am invited to all of the parties, and that means about 10 parties between now and December 30. I don’t want to go! I have two reasons: The first is that I am highly introverted, and socializing with people who report to me, and with people I do not normally socialize with outside of work, fills me with dread. I just freeze up in unstructured social situations. Second, no one will be masked. How could they be, when there will be food and beverages? As someone who is fully vaccinated and has never had COVID, this situation also fills me with dread. If I don’t go, well, they’ll know me to be the Scrooge that I am. Finally, our organization has offices spread all over the city, so it’s not like I can drop in for 10 minutes and leave; I will have skipped to get to them all, and they will know it. What’s your advice? Thank you!

— Take Me Straight to January

Casadena

I totally understand where she's coming from and can't even imagine how annoying the Christmas season must be in America for non-Christians especially. But honestly, at a lot of jobs ESPECIALLY in a leadership position, not participating or attending this stuff could have some really negative professional implications. However, because LW is leadership, I think they're definitely wrong about how dropping in for 10 minutes isn't ok.  That seems pretty par for the course for a lot of leadership roles - you want to make an appearance but not hinder the fun that everyone else is having because "the boss is here".  Go to as many as you feasibly can, make an appearance, then dip out. 

banana468

I think the drop by for 10 min is also advised especially if all these parties are on the same "level".  

What I WOULD do is talk to management though.  Rather than tout the barrage of Christmas that's a lot of parties.  Talk about the prioritization and streamlining that may be needed because this is a time of the year that it's hard enough to make the time to go to ONE party forget 10 and the increased parties plus a huge flu season are not going to be great for the spread of illness. 

VarunaTT

I'm curious what kind of company this is, with so many local field offices and each office big enough to host their own party.  The last line is also somewhat confusing b/c LW states, "I will have skipped to get to them all, and they will know it."  ETA:  If you take a whole day off and don't go to all the parties and that's what LW means, well yeah...that's crappy to do.  I can't really figure out anything else.

Maybe it's just my field, but we don't expect the big wigs to show up, even if the invite was sent.  It's nice when they do, but it's not expected.  I would make a list of the parties which sound like they're pretty routine and hit  maybe half this year and then next year do the other half?  Or some sort of other rotation?  Send gifts for the parties you don't go to (nice charcuterie board, dessert, etc) in lieu of appearance.  

I'm also a bit of a Scrooge, but I kinda feel like LW is making this way harder than it really needs to be.  You're a leader, LW, set a fine example of work-life-party balance for people that both meets the needs of the organization and yours.

mrsconn23

Am I expected to show up to small off-site management stuff? Yes.  
Am I expected to show up to the major all-associate she-bang (I call it 'work prom')?  No.  

I literally can't remember seeing my VP at any of our big formal work parties.  He's pretty low-key and quiet.  He came out and talked to me and my co-supe yesterday  all casual-like and I was surprised.  I mentioned it to my manager on our call today and she was like, "He did?!" He's a nice guy, just not very outgoing. 

I hardly think that LW has to show up to 10 different off-site, off-hours work parties.  I think they could drop in at a few (ones with people they really want to see/socialize with) and if asked why they weren't at others, they could say they had other plans and so sorry they couldn't make it.  

ei34

Christmas-lover or not, ten different work parties is ridiculous.

short+sassy

I'm with the LW in that I think it's RIDICULOUS that Christmas music starts playing on the radio (some stations) before Halloween.  There should be none of that until at least after Thanksgiving.  Admittedly, for my truck I only have a radio, so that does make it extra annoying because I don't have other options.

I've worked for a lot of companies in a lot of industries, where there is only one Holiday party...not 10...and it's not a big deal if one of the big wigs doesn't go.

I guess they're worried about if they go to one, they need to go to all so none of the offices are "hurt".  But they can't all be on the same day, or the LW would have written that.  They said it's 10 parties through Dec. 30th.  So I don't understand why they can't just make an appearance for 10-30 minutes, if they are being consistent with that short timeframe for all the parties.

They could also pick a week where they are "extra busy/have prior commitments" and don't go to any of the parties for that week.  Because then the reason for their absence is that particular week, not that particular office(s).

It's a weird letter and I feel like there are things I'm not understanding.  Maybe there are unusual nuances at this workplace.