Dear Prudence,
I’m not sure what to do. My daughter divorced last year after four years of marriage. I was caught off guard. In that four years, I saw her yelling loudly at her husband, in our company, and he did not ever seem combative in return. Looking back, I can see some of the issues, but we (her father and I) were surprised the day she told us he was moving out. On that day, she told me to never mention his name again and never ask about the divorce. I have abided by both of those requests and many other mandates she has issued to me in the ensuing year. I seem to have become Enemy No. 1. Our relationship has deteriorated horribly. She is now engaged and living with another fellow. I’m constantly being told what her boundaries are and being issued ultimatums to obey or she will have nothing more to do with me. She has refused to go to counseling with me.
Today she found out I had “liked” a Facebook post of her ex-husband about his new relationship with his new girlfriend. (In no way have I hidden I was still his friend on FB, etc.) Once again, she came after me, demanding I unfriend him. “It’s him or me” were her exact words. I unfriended him. But at this point, I am exhausted from her demands, or really, just the disrespectful way she gives them to me. I do not talk to her ex or have any relationship with him. I have no idea why they divorced or any specific issues, as that was part of her first set of demands she laid down. Is it really so awful to remain FB friends with an ex of one of your children? She has told me, angrily, I should know that and am intentionally disrespecting her. I contend they were eager for us to develop a bond with this person when they first introduced us. We did as we came get to know them. They had time to realize the relationship was going to end. We did not. And were never privy to any reasons why.
— I Can’t Get it Right