Classic: Ask a lawyer, but I'd definitely die on this hill.

mrsconn23

Q. The affair of the necklace: I recently found out that my husband of five years has been cheating on me for about two years. Of course I am angry and devastated. I kicked him out, got tested, and have started divorce proceedings. This should be pretty cut and dried, but there’s a catch. Over the last two years, he has been taking pieces of my jewelry and giving them to his mistresses. Normally I would just call it a wash, since he bought most of the jewelry. But one of the items he swiped was an heirloom necklace passed down from my grandmother. I know which mistress has the necklace because my idiot ex posted pictures of her wearing it on Facebook. I am not sure if I should go confront them myself or call the police, as doing so might risk them destroying the necklace—or if I should instead just speak to my lawyer and hope he can make them bring the necklace back. Please advise!

banana468

How about you ask your lawyer rather than an advice columnist?

IMO I'd find a way to say that you're going to need that necklace back or else you're filing a police report for that and all the other jewelry that's gone missing.  Once given to you it wasn't his to take and depending on the value, he may be into the territory of being divorced AND a felon. 

short+sassy

They have a lawyer.  So talk to the lawyer first.  I'd assume the only way to get the necklace back is to get the police involved, but at least their lawyer could help the LW navigate the best way to do that.

My assumption is none of this jewelry is marital property.  The grandmother's necklace definitely isn't.  But neither are the gifts because they are gifts.  The monetary value of the other gifts should be subtracted from the H's portion of the marital assets.  Same with the grandmother's necklace if it is not returned, but hopefully it will be.

As for criminal charges if the LW goes that route, I'd focus only on the H.  He was the thief.  At best, the mistress was an accomplice.  But then it would need to be proven that she knew the necklace had been stolen.

An analogy would be if "Jane" bought a diamond necklace from a private party.  If it turns out to be stolen and that can be proven, Jane didn't commit a crime because they didn't know.  But the necklace would be taken from Jane and given to the rightful owner.  Jane, even though she didn't do anything wrong, would be SOL and out that money.  She'd have to go after the person she bought the necklace from, but good luck with that.  

VarunaTT

Is your retainer/per hour so high that you wouldn't take this up with your attorney?  B/c this just seems really weird to write in about.  Of COURSE you go through your attorney and make it part of the divorce.  Damn lady, you just got some great leverage and you're writing into Prudie with it?

Your attorney doesn't like you, guarantee.

banana468

VarunaTT said:

Is your retainer/per hour so high that you wouldn't take this up with your attorney?  B/c this just seems really weird to write in about.  Of COURSE you go through your attorney and make it part of the divorce.  Damn lady, you just got some great leverage and you're writing into Prudie with it?

Your attorney doesn't like you, guarantee.

Yeah there is something that's really off about this.  

charlotte989875

I *think* she’s asking if she goes to the lawyer will that tip off the ex and he’ll hide/ remove the jewelry rather than if she goes to the police they can go right there and get it? 

But like… the lawyer would understand that and work to get a resolution. 

banana468

charlotte989875 said:

I *think* she’s asking if she goes to the lawyer will that tip off the ex and he’ll hide/ remove the jewelry rather than if she goes to the police they can go right there and get it? 

But like… the lawyer would understand that and work to get a resolution. 

Right?? 

I mean at this point she just needs to take photos of what she sees on social media so there's some aspect of proof.