No Bridal Party

mbsutterley

Hi Ladies so my fiance and I have decided not to do bridal parties for various reasons but we still want to include our loved ones in getting ready, bachelor/bachelorette parties, wearing a specific color so they're still honored as important loved ones, etc. Has anyone seen or come up with a cute way to invite people to these events without being in a bridal party?

all I've got so far is "even though you wont be standing by our side, we still want you along for the ride"

cheesy, I know. So i'd love some ideas thanks ladies!

MyNameIsNot

mbsutterley said:

Hi Ladies so my fiance and I have decided not to do bridal parties for various reasons but we still want to include our loved ones in getting ready, bachelor/bachelorette parties, wearing a specific color so they're still honored as important loved ones, etc. Has anyone seen or come up with a cute way to invite people to these events without being in a bridal party?

all I've got so far is "even though you wont be standing by our side, we still want you along for the ride"

cheesy, I know. So i'd love some ideas thanks ladies!

If they're not in the bridal party, it would be really rude and obnoxious to try to tell them what to wear. If you want to honor them at the ceremony, you could get them corsages, invite them to do readings/perform music, or sit in the front row. You could also include them in a special thanks in a program or on your wedding website. 

For parties, if/when someone offers to throw these for you, you'd ask that they invite X, Y and Z. This isn't something you'd need to make a pre-announcement to people you'd like to invite. It might also come off like you're hinting that you want them to throw it. 

If you'd like to invite someone to get ready with you, just ask them. Keep in mind that many people hate doing this and consider it one of the annoying chores of being in a wedding party, so don't be hurt if they'd prefer not to. 

climbingsingle

Agree with PP that if these people are not in the bridal party, you should not be telling them what to wear. Or coordinating any type of outfits. Full stop. You don't want to have a bridal party, so don't. Let your friends just be guests, and let them wear whatever they want. 

You could honor them with flowers, special seating, having someone do a reading. But that really should be it. I also just want to say that things like handing out programs, etc. is not a way to honor your friends. 

For sure invite people to get ready with you if they want. Maybe even pose for some pictures before the ceremony if you're doing that. But IMO to add something like this to a day where I'm getting myself ready to attend a wedding, it sort of throws a wrench in my day. There's a whole bunch of logistical things to consider too (does so-and-so friend have a partner that's attending the wedding with them? Does that mean your friend will need to arrive earlier/separate from their partner?) Just things to keep in mind. 

You shouldn't be planning your own shower/bach party. If someone offers to throw you one, that's great! You can invite whatever friends you'd like to that. 

banana468

I think with anything like this the best way is to ask and do it in a non cutesy way so there's less pressure.  

I'll also agree that if you're not having a BP then please don't ask for any kind of color or cohesive dressing.  Ditto for the others that especially if you have friends in committed relationships and / or you're traveling that pre-wedding part for them can be a logistical pain for them.  It's a pain when you're in the BP and your spouse isn't but at least you come to terms with it as a thing you signed up for.  When DH was in weddings and I wasn't I just knew that during those times I was running solo - but if he was just asked to go to a friend's room I think I'd ask, "So do spouses tag along?  Are we invited to hang out with the bride?"  So consider that when you're asking because it's one thing to know you'll be split from your spouse because you agreed to be in a wedding but it's entirely different to be asked to leave your partner when your friend isn't having the wedding party which also means there's less of a mutual benefit situation.

MesmrEwe

The cutesy line comes across as "B-listing" even though you aren't having a WP...

If you want to honor these people when they show up at the ceremony, hand them a nosegay arrangement, corsage, or bout, invite them to the Rehearsal Dinner, but don't ask them to wear certain colors, etc.

Jen4948

If you're not having a bridal party, then it wouldn't be appropriate to give any instructions on how your guests should dress, including what color to wear.

I also would not try to be "cute" in inviting anyone to join for for unofficial wedding-related moments. I would be dignified instead.

Also, as PPs note, other people need to plan any shower/bachelorette parties for you. Hosting parties for yourself that have gift-giving expectations has the appearance of soliciting gifts for yourself. That's an etiquette no-no.