Wedding Woes

Classic: Leave it alone until it comes up naturally. And stop snooping!

I’m in a happy relationship of about five months. He’s kind, considerate, and hilarious. We haven’t had any conversations about our exes. I know he’s only dated one girl before me because he mentioned it in passing. I left it alone because I figured it might be a painful topic. I was still curious, so I snooped through social media (which was a bad move on my part) and found out that they were together for at least two years, if not four or five. That seems like such a big deal! She still likes every single one of his posts. I freaked out but haven’t talked to him about it yet. It just feels like such a major part of his life is being left out of the story! 

Re: Classic: Leave it alone until it comes up naturally. And stop snooping!

  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I can see both sides of this - not the snooping though. I do think it's weird that in 5 months, it's never come up that he's been in that serious of a relationship. 

    However, all relationships move at a different pace, and maybe he hasn't feel ready to open up about it yet. 
  • mrsconn23 said:
    I’m in a happy relationship of about five months. He’s kind, considerate, and hilarious. We haven’t had any conversations about our exes. I know he’s only dated one girl before me because he mentioned it in passing. I left it alone because I figured it might be a painful topic. I was still curious, so I snooped through social media (which was a bad move on my part) and found out that they were together for at least two years, if not four or five. That seems like such a big deal! She still likes every single one of his posts. I freaked out but haven’t talked to him about it yet. It just feels like such a major part of his life is being left out of the story! 
    How old are these people?  I'm reading this like the LW is a woman in her younger 20's and this guy dated his HS sweetheart through college and now they're broken up but now they're not together. 

    But if you're both linked on social media to each other then rather than freak out what about discussing your own pasts?  
    charlotte989875VarunaTTei34
  • What is he “leaving out”?! He told you he dated one other person. That is true. You decided to be weird about it. 
    charlotte989875VarunaTTei34
  • Have you just been dating/ seeing each other for 5 months or like a monogamous, serious relationship for 5 months? Because he said he’s had one relationship- there doesn’t seem to be a lie here. He mentioned it, if you had questions then you should have asked them. But if you go to him saying you snooped his Facebook it’s probably it going to go how you hope it will. 
  • I find this a puzzling over-reaction.  It's still a pretty new relationship.  He wasn't hiding anything.  The LW made an ASSUMPTION, that the relationship was shorter and more casual than they were expecting.

    If they want to know more about the relationship, they should ask the b/f questions about it.  I suppose it's a little unusual the b/f didn't give the basic details.  But the LW knew they'd been given scant info and chose not to ask for more.

    Me personally, at a 5ish-month mark, I'm probably only sharing and expecting incidental stories about past relationships when the topic comes up.  Like, "I have been to Fort Walton Beach.  I love it there.  David and I used to go a couple times a year for the weekend."  But not necessarily having deep conversations about the relationships.
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    charlotte989875ei34
  • ei34ei34 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What is he “leaving out”?! He told you he dated one other person. That is true. You decided to be weird about it.

    SITB

    This is where I am.  No lie was told.
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