Just Engaged and Proposals

Eloping Etiquette

My partner and I want to elope and our immediate family is okay about it. Most of our friends know we want to elope, since we are both very much introverted so it wouldn't be a secret elopement. We are also having a small post-elopement party once we get back. Here is where I am facing my small dilemma- I would still like to have a bachelorette party, but I am wondering when I should do it; before the elopement or before the after-party. Let me add that I would cover the bachelorette party in full, and it would only be 1 night in our hometown. Also, as mentioned above, my friends know I don't want a big wedding, so they would not be mad if we eloped without inviting anyone. 

Re: Eloping Etiquette

  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My partner and I want to elope and our immediate family is okay about it. Most of our friends know we want to elope, since we are both very much introverted so it wouldn't be a secret elopement. We are also having a small post-elopement party once we get back. Here is where I am facing my small dilemma- I would still like to have a bachelorette party, but I am wondering when I should do it; before the elopement or before the after-party. Let me add that I would cover the bachelorette party in full, and it would only be 1 night in our hometown. Also, as mentioned above, my friends know I don't want a big wedding, so they would not be mad if we eloped without inviting anyone. 
    One of the things you forego with an elopement is bach parties and showers. People invited to these kind of pre-wedding parties are ones that are invited to the actual wedding. 
    If you're set on doing this, just remove the "bachelorette" part from it and have a night out with friends. 
    banana468
  • My partner and I want to elope and our immediate family is okay about it. Most of our friends know we want to elope, since we are both very much introverted so it wouldn't be a secret elopement. We are also having a small post-elopement party once we get back. Here is where I am facing my small dilemma- I would still like to have a bachelorette party, but I am wondering when I should do it; before the elopement or before the after-party. Let me add that I would cover the bachelorette party in full, and it would only be 1 night in our hometown. Also, as mentioned above, my friends know I don't want a big wedding, so they would not be mad if we eloped without inviting anyone. 
    One of the things you forego with an elopement is bach parties and showers. People invited to these kind of pre-wedding parties are ones that are invited to the actual wedding. 
    If you're set on doing this, just remove the "bachelorette" part from it and have a night out with friends. 
    All of this.  Just get together with the friends.

    When you opt for a small wedding of any kind it means you forego the pre-wedding events that are larger as the only people who are invited to a pre-wedding event need to be invited to the ceremony and reception.

    But you can have a ladies' night for any reason.  So just get together with the friends you want to see.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My partner and I want to elope and our immediate family is okay about it. Most of our friends know we want to elope, since we are both very much introverted so it wouldn't be a secret elopement. We are also having a small post-elopement party once we get back. Here is where I am facing my small dilemma- I would still like to have a bachelorette party, but I am wondering when I should do it; before the elopement or before the after-party. Let me add that I would cover the bachelorette party in full, and it would only be 1 night in our hometown. Also, as mentioned above, my friends know I don't want a big wedding, so they would not be mad if we eloped without inviting anyone. 

    So, if you have told family you plan to elope, you are not eloping.  By definition, an elopement is secretive.  You and your FI are having a private wedding.

    To have a bachelorette party after your wedding (prior to an "after party") is a misnomer; you will be married. 

    You can have a girl's night out any time.  You can also have a "meet the newlyweds" party, but it should not have any of the accompaniments associated with a wedding reception.
    MesmrEweILoveBeachMusicJen4948
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    One hard and fast rule of etiquette is that only those invited to a wedding itself may be invited to any wedding-related side events like showers and bachelor/ette parties. So if the people you want to be invited to a bachelorette party (which, by the way, you shouldn't host for yourself) aren't invited to your wedding, then you need to forgo a "bachelorette party." That said, you can have a party and invite these people -- it just has to be billed as a completely separate event from your wedding.
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