Dear Prudence,
I (she/her) am a college student, and I live with my best friend. I realized that I was in love with her about a year ago, but she has had a long-term, long-distance girlfriend since high school. I have met her girlfriend a few times and she is lovely. They seem to have a really wonderful relationship despite it being (very) long-distance. Because of her being in a relationship, I have waited for my feelings to pass, but they have only grown stronger with time. I love being her friend, and I would never want to jeopardize our friendship, especially given the fact that we already live together. My question: iIs it more unethical to keep this secret from my best friend, or to tell her, possibly making her uncomfortable and unfairly giving her my feelings to deal with?
There is also the factor that female friendship is sometimes physically intimate, and she and I have grown very close. There are times when it feels like maybe something is about to happen, and then we both stop and laugh it off with vague comments like “It’s getting late!” “We should go to bed!” But maybe I’m just delusional? Most people we know think that she and I are a couple when they meet us, and we have to correct them.
Ahhh, what does it all mean??
— Trapped in Love and a Lease