IDK if I'd ever talk to Bill again because this is way too much

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence, 

Recently, I had a situation where I felt really uncomfortable, and I’m wondering if I should do something. I had a coworker some years back I’ll call “Bill” who I got to be pretty good friends with, until he left that job because he couldn’t stop fighting with the supervisors. Bill got back in touch, and I told him I was still working there and a supervisor myself. He saw on my Facebook that I’m not married anymore and he asked if I was seeing anyone and I said no, I’m not.
He invited me to a barbecue and, since I didn’t have anywhere else to go, I said yes.

Bill and his wife live in a rundown rental house and are obviously not doing well at all. I met their daughter “Bertha” who is 28 and still lives at home. Bill and I got to talking privately and he told me he’s worried about Bertha. As a kid she cried every day at school and pretended to be sick all the time to get out of going. Like her mom she wouldn’t learn to drive and has never learned. After she graduated high school she hasn’t been able to stick with a job for more than a couple months, and hasn’t had a job since before COVID. She has no friends and she’s never had a boyfriend. He’s afraid of what’s going to happen to her when he’s gone. Bill told me he was diagnosed with cancer and hasn’t yet told his wife and daughter. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to beat it because he has no insurance, no money, and both his parents died of cancer around his age. His wife weighs about 500 pounds and is probably not long for this world either. He has no savings and nothing to leave them but a world of debts, even his car is not paid off.

Bill then started talking about what a good cook and housekeeper Bertha is, the fact she’s a virgin, how she’d make a great wife, she just can’t deal with the outside world and needs someone to take care of her. I was shocked when I realized he was basically begging me, a man roughly his own age to be his son-in-law. I said I was flattered but I just started seeing someone online. This was untrue, but I didn’t want to tell him I don’t find Bertha attractive at all. But she seemed like a sweet girl and I can’t stop thinking about how if her dad is basically pimping her out to guys old enough to be her dad, she might end up in a really bad situation and not have the wherewithal to deal with it. Should I do anything, and if so, what?

— Concerned in Carolina

banana468

There's so much in this that tells me this family does not have a firm grasp on reality.

The ONLY thing I'd do is consider pointing Bill towards resources that can help psychologically and financially. 

This isn't even about whether or not the LW finds Bertha attractive.  She's also someone who hasn't become a functioning member of society due to her upbringing!

CharmedPam

Yeah getting into a pitty relationship isn’t the answer.  She’s only 28. She’ll figure this out… but if she doesn’t, that’s on her, not you LW.

climbingsingle

Should you do anything? Stop talking to Bill and don't go to anymore BBQs. 

Casadena

this is so horribly sad all around. LW sounds like a really nice person and Bill just sounds so lost and sad. LW definitely shouldn't marry Bertha and he knows that - but if he likes Bill enough to offer to help, i think pointing him to some resources like a hospital social worker, financial planner, etc to talk through some planning would be a really nice thing to do. *he is under no obligation to do so for sure, but if he wanted to do something to help that's where I would start. 

mrsconn23

I find this whole thing so creepy.  Bill's unloading on LW, a former co-worker who LW knows was a massive problem in the workplace since he was 'fighting' with supervisors, about shit he hasn't told his family and then trying to get LW, who's his age, to get with his daughter.  And while LW kind of comes off as confused and/or looking to 'help' Bill, I can't help but feel the underlying judgment in the tone.  

LW should just walk away from Bill and this fucked up mess. If Bill is willing to lie to his family, why would he be telling LW the truth?  I only see a time and money suck at best coming from Bill.  At worst...I've seen too many true crime stories start this way, LOL 

*ETA: I kept calling Bill, Bob when I initially wrote this response.  Apparently, I feel Bill and Bob are interchangeable names.  Doh. 

short+sassy

I'm still trying to wade through which part of this letter I find the most disturbing.

Bill unloading his trainwreck life on a long-ago coworker-friend, who is now basically a stranger.  And then trying to set him up with his daughter, that's never emotionally grown out of childhood.

Or the LW.  Writing to Prudie about what to do.  When the obvious answer is "nothing".  But then also adds in that he doesn't find the daughter attractive.  What?  Would that have actually made a difference?

Seriously, though.  When someone is saying crazy stuff, it's okay to walk away and not entertain any of it.

MyNameIsNot

I really felt like this was going to be a con. Hell, maybe it is, I don't know. Run, LW. 

But yeah, throwing in that LW doesn't find Bertha attractive tells me LW isn't as level headed as they'd like us to think. 

banana468

MyNameIsNot said:

I really felt like this was going to be a con. Hell, maybe it is, I don't know. Run, LW. 

But yeah, throwing in that LW doesn't find Bertha attractive tells me LW isn't as level headed as they'd like us to think. 

Right?!?  Is that like saying that you could get passed the concept of how she's too scared to drive, out of work for over 3 years but she's not f*ckable???  Is that what this guy needs in a partner??