Have you...talked to your husband?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence, 

My husband has a gay friend from high school. As an adult, before we married, he traveled to see his friend and for a week hung out with him and other gay men. Once, they went sailing where all of them stripped naked and drank beers—I’ve seen the pictures). My husband is very particular about his appearance and grooming. He recently started to lisp. I suspect he’s gay. When I told a (straight) man about this, his response was that no straight man would have done that (sailed naked with gay men). Am I correct that he is probably at least bisexual?

— Am I Naive?

VarunaTT

Patriarchy is exhausting. 

I've also seen groups of straight men strip naked and drank beers on the water together (floating that year was interesting).  Their need to yell NO HOMO was irritating.  That's what the straight dude she asked was worried about...he's afraid of someone thinking he might be gay and that is the WORST THING EVER for some cis het men.

Good hygiene/style = gay.  **massive eyeroll** This is why queer folx are always joking, "Are the straights okay?" Also, cis het men...you should be clean and have some style.

If he wasn't lisping and he is now, he might need to seek medical attention.

As a bisexual woman, I know that when I see anyone not a cisman I might be interested in, I have to jump into the bushes to put on my jeans with cuffs, sports bra, and a flannel shirt with my Ani Difranco CDs in my back pocket.  This is absolutely the only way I'm allowed to exist in my queerness.

All joking aside...LW has some internalized homophobia and misogyny they need to examine.  No, I don't think they need to go ask their husband if he's gay, unless there's other stuff going on indicating an issue in their relationship.

ei34

I'm...very stuck on the lisping part ?

banana468

mrsconn23 said:

Dear Prudence, 

My husband has a gay friend from high school. As an adult, before we married, he traveled to see his friend and for a week hung out with him and other gay men. Once, they went sailing where all of them stripped naked and drank beers—I’ve seen the pictures). My husband is very particular about his appearance and grooming. He recently started to lisp. I suspect he’s gay. When I told a (straight) man about this, his response was that no straight man would have done that (sailed naked with gay men). Am I correct that he is probably at least bisexual?

— Am I Naive?

Have you asked your husband about this? 

I'll tell you that this is super odd to me but what's weirder is the lack of confronting.  If I saw a photo of my H naked on a sailboat with a bunch of other guys I would not think he was straight.  

Talk to your H to navigate this. 

charlotte989875

So the LW hear her husband lisp, plus one weekend away MANY years ago and she’s jumping right to her husband HAS to be bi? Thats one helluva leap. 

banana468

charlotte989875 said:

So the LW hear her husband lisp, plus one weekend away MANY years ago and she’s jumping right to her husband HAS to be bi? Thats one helluva leap. 

Honestly the larger issue would be at what point was it prior to marriage.  Like, was it the bachelor party where all the guys hung out naked?  I didn't realize that was a thing because I'm married to a guy who still wears a shirt at the beach due to his own body confidence but..OK? 

My bigger issue with the lisp is if it's new I'd ask the H because I'd be FAR more concerned about something neurological.  My uncle's speech changed 7 years ago and it was one of the audible signs he had glioblastoma. 

climbingsingle

So I developed a lisp last year when my TMJ was extremely bad. It's thankfully gone now. but like. really lady? It absolutely could be related to a medical issue. Have you asked your husband about it? This is quite the leap to make. A lisp and a picture from years ago? 

short+sassy

I'm sure all the straight men out there appreciate the LW's friend speaking for ALL of them //s.

The time to ask the H if he was gay or bisexual was...oh, I dunno...when she first saw the picture or heard the story of him being naked on a boat with only gay men.  I'm not even saying that a guy can't be straight and be in those circumstances.  I'm just saying that's when the question should have come up, because that would be a natural question to ask.

I'm assuming she did and he said he wasn't gay or bisexual.  Okay, then.  That's the answer.  Unless there is more recent or compelling reasons for her to think it isn't true, then it does sound like she is coming out of left field.  I don't think there are other reasons or it would have been mentioned.

And agree that she should be asking her H about the lisp.  Is he doing it on purpose and, if so, why?  If not, time to see a doctor and make sure it's not a symptom of a serious problem.

levioosa

No lie, some of the “gayest” shit I’ve ever seen was done by straight dudes. This is exhausting and asinine. Ma’am examine your internalized homophobia and misogyny. And also maybe be more concerned about a brand new speech change as a full grown adult?