Sisters Destination Wedding — can’t afford!

knottiea974924dd6192a0d

My sister is getting married in Jamaica this fall (all inclusive resort). It will be a destination wedding where my husband and I will be in the wedding party, I also have three children (3 yrs, 1 yr, and 3 months) and they will be flower girls in the wedding. My sister announced this about 14 months before so people had enough heads up. A lot of people going are turning it into a week long vacation. As we sit down now and take a closer look at expenses, this wedding trip/vacation is estimated to cost us $7000-$10,000 (depending on a few factors such as length of time spent in Jamaica, flights, etc). This seems insane to me. My husband and I have even played around with the idea of just bringing the baby and stay 3 nights, and even then it’s going to about $6000…and that seems like it’d be so rushed and honestly not how we want to spend our money. But if we don’t go I know my sister will be upset. So I feel like if I go it’s not going to be financially smart/not the trip we want or if I don’t go, my sister won’t forgive me for it. I have no clue what to do. I started to look for side jobs for extra income and that seems crazy to me that id
m considering that for all of this. Thoughts?

climbingsingle

knottiea974924dd6192a0d said:

My sister is getting married in Jamaica this fall (all inclusive resort). It will be a destination wedding where my husband and I will be in the wedding party, I also have three children (3 yrs, 1 yr, and 3 months) and they will be flower girls in the wedding. My sister announced this about 14 months before so people had enough heads up. A lot of people going are turning it into a week long vacation. As we sit down now and take a closer look at expenses, this wedding trip/vacation is estimated to cost us $7000-$10,000 (depending on a few factors such as length of time spent in Jamaica, flights, etc). This seems insane to me. My husband and I have even played around with the idea of just bringing the baby and stay 3 nights, and even then it’s going to about $6000…and that seems like it’d be so rushed and honestly not how we want to spend our money. But if we don’t go I know my sister will be upset. So I feel like if I go it’s not going to be financially smart/not the trip we want or if I don’t go, my sister won’t forgive me for it. I have no clue what to do. I started to look for side jobs for extra income and that seems crazy to me that id
m considering that for all of this. Thoughts?

That is an insane amount of money to spend attending a DW. Definitely do not get a second job so that you can attend! Is there any way you can attend alone? 

But here's also the thing - when you plan a DW, you have to understand that not everyone will be able to afford to go. And if you're sister is truly going to get mad at you for this, she's being ridiculous. Have a conversation with her, and explain that there's no way you can afford this kind of a trip, even for just a few days. 

I'm planning a DW for next year, in the states that's about a 4 hour drive from where most of us live. And I understand that even that might be too much for people to attend. And I get it. I'd never be mad at someone (especially my brother) if they couldn't swing it. 

banana468

I'm firmly in the camp that when you have a DW if the attendance is mandatory then you pay for it.

But I understand you don't want to let your sister down.  Are there other options?
-Flights from different airports/days?  I live in CT and if it was expensive to fly from here I'd look at flights from Boston, NYC or RI to see if there was an option in there that's less costly.  
-Is there a hotel near the one picked?  Can you look into a hotel near where your sister is getting married that can save money?   Two years ago I went to Disney w/ my family and saved a few thousand by not staying in a deluxe resort.  

And finally, there is the option of just saying that it's too much but as nicely as possible letting her know that it's just not in the budget. 

maine7mob

Most people who plan a DW understand that not everyone can attend. It sounds as if your sister didn't fully realize how expensive it is for a family to attend. We never flew without buying the kids seats, even when under 2, so it was always expensive to travel.

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Tell your sister now (show her your calculations, so she gets it). Don't take a second job for this!