Dear Prudence,
My family and my husband’s have very different gift-giving preferences/expectations, so we agreed from the start of our relationship that we would each take care of the gifts for our own families as needed and appropriate, marking the gift from both/all of us (now that there’s kids).
Well, my mother-in-law’s birthday was last week. My husband got her a card that he wrote a nice note in and some of her favorite candies and then asked me if I would make a batch of the cupcakes she really likes. I love baking and he gave me plenty of notice and bought all the ingredients for me, so no problem there. He had asked her what she wanted and she told him just spending time together would be perfect. The day before her birthday, we took the kids to their house and hung out for most of the day.
As we left, my FIL pulled me aside and asked if we would be bringing her gift over the next day. I said we’d brought everything with us and wouldn’t be coming over since it was a workday and already chaotic. He asked what we’d gotten her, and I said she told my husband she just wanted to spend the day together and we’d brought the cupcakes, candies, and card. He was upset we hadn’t gotten her a “real gift,” and I said he should talk to my husband about it since he took care of it, and in any case, MIL seemed happy. FIL said getting gifts was my responsibility as the wife/mother of the family and that he would tell my MIL her gift had been delayed in shipping, but I should have something for her the following weekend. I knew my FIL was a bit “old-fashioned” (read: sexist) in his rigidity to gender roles, but this is the first time it’s majorly come out towards me. My husband is not like this at all, and I probably wouldn’t have stayed in a relationship with him if he were.
Should I handle this myself with my FIL or enlist my husband? Normally I’d say his family, his responsibility, but considering its around sexist expectations, I feel like me handling it directly might be most appropriate.
— It’s Not 1952 Anymore