Rescinding invitation - toxic boss

knottiea16c2ba9236f8dfa

Hi everyone! I have found myself in a really strange and toxic work situation. 6 months ago after getting engaged, I verbally told my supervisor of a year that they were invited to my wedding because we had developed a good working relationship. Since then, things have turned really, really toxic. They have violated my contract several times, blurred boundaries in a major way, and have exhibited a lot of toxic behaviors. Of the 10 people working at my job, 8 including myself have chosen to leave in the span of a year. I had a conversation a few months ago simply stating that I believe that the various relationships were too much for me to manage and I needed more boundaries on our relationship outside of work. I have since put in my notice at this job and am leaving in the most professional way I can. I did not send them a save the date a while back because of how uncomfortable things have gotten. I’m about to send out invitations and while I know it’s rude to rescind an invitation, I really don’t feel comfortable inviting them at this point. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve even needed to see a therapist for how manipulated, exploited, and gaslit I have felt. I’m really beating myself up for not sending the invite and appearing rude, but it literally makes my skin crawl to imagine inviting them at this point. Advice?

banana468

knottiea16c2ba9236f8dfa said:

Hi everyone! I have found myself in a really strange and toxic work situation. 6 months ago after getting engaged, I verbally told my supervisor of a year that they were invited to my wedding because we had developed a good working relationship. Since then, things have turned really, really toxic. They have violated my contract several times, blurred boundaries in a major way, and have exhibited a lot of toxic behaviors. Of the 10 people working at my job, 8 including myself have chosen to leave in the span of a year. I had a conversation a few months ago simply stating that I believe that the various relationships were too much for me to manage and I needed more boundaries on our relationship outside of work. I have since put in my notice at this job and am leaving in the most professional way I can. I did not send them a save the date a while back because of how uncomfortable things have gotten. I’m about to send out invitations and while I know it’s rude to rescind an invitation, I really don’t feel comfortable inviting them at this point. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve even needed to see a therapist for how manipulated, exploited, and gaslit I have felt. I’m really beating myself up for not sending the invite and appearing rude, but it literally makes my skin crawl to imagine inviting them at this point. Advice?

Are you working in the same industry as this person?  

I'd keep my distance professional and would be courteous but wouldn't invite the boss either.  That said, I would NOT burn bridges because it's so common to see that the person again. 

climbingsingle

I think in this case, it's fine not to send an invite. 

maine7mob

You are not rescinding an invitation in this case. You are simply not sending one. Yes, this sounds like a technicality because you did issue a verbal invitation, but I doubt the toxic boss even remembers your wedding date (if you disclosed it at the time) and probably won't notice the lack of paper invitation.

MesmrEwe

maine7mob said:

You are not rescinding an invitation in this case. You are simply not sending one. Yes, this sounds like a technicality because you did issue a verbal invitation, but I doubt the toxic boss even remembers your wedding date (if you disclosed it at the time) and probably won't notice the lack of paper invitation.

All of this! 

You made the right call in not sending a STD, and the fact that you haven't sent out invitations yet means that you have not formally invited them. YANTA and do not need to send them an invite given the circumstances!

Jen4948

Under the circumstances, since you didn't send this person an STD and you haven't sent out any invitations, I think that you don't need to invite them.

Best wishes!