Wedding Woes

So...you went there to pick a fight? WTF?

Dear Prudence, 

A week ago, I went to a restaurant I used to work at. It’s not a particularly expensive restaurant, but it’s slightly more expensive than average where I live. It’s honestly the kind of place that any server trying to make good money would use as a stepping stone to a nicer restaurant. That being said, there were a few servers I worked with 15 years ago that were really good at their job. I went there about 10 years ago and was surprised that they hadn’t tried to find another job. This came up in conversation and one of them mentioned being comfortable and still making decent money. That’s fair enough, I get that not everybody has the energy to get used to another job. So when I went there this weekend, “Amanda” was still working there.

She didn’t end up being my server. I was a little surprised that she didn’t stop by to chat as she had in the past. We ended up staying there until close and as we were walking out, I noticed Amanda was too. I, along with the friends I went out with that night, all have jobs in public health. We were talking about the pandemic like we often do when Amanda made some comments about my online post. I live in a place that was very polarized concerning mask wearing and I posted a lot online about science. I often also dispelled conspiracy theories. I didn’t know Amanda’s last name but apparently, I got into an argument with her online. She started talking about more conspiracy theories as my friends and I tried to walk away. I gave her some information dispelling the myths but she kept just listing off other conspiracies.

I finally got fed up and said, “I’ve told you all of the legitimate information about the pandemic. Your opinions are nothing but conspiracy theories. If you actually want to be able to critically analyze public health data, then you should get a Ph.D. Until then, you should stick to being a waitress.” That clearly made her angry and she stormed off. I should note that Amanda was probably one of the smarter servers at the restaurant, but she fell for popular “health” (i.e. weight loss) books. At one point, I literally had a class demonstrating the shakiness of the data used in these books. She probably would have done well in college and with whatever career she chose, but she only has a high school degree. So, as we walked back to my car, half of my friends cheered me on and half of them told me I belittled her. I know how hard being a server is, but getting my Ph.D. was 10 times harder than that and I worked my butt off to get it. I’m done apologizing to people for being smart, but a part of me wonders if I was too rude to someone in a pretty thankless job, especially after the pandemic. Do you think I was wrong?

—Server Faux Pas

Re: So...you went there to pick a fight? WTF?

  • You're an arrogant person and for someone with a Ph.D you should have considered more psychology classes.  

    Do you think that one encounter online or in a FB forum is going to convince her?  And do you think that somehow being a waiter in THAT place is somehow less honorable?  It's fine if it wasn't for you but you are extremely off base to think that somehow there are people beneath you for not following the same path.

    Yes, it's absolutely unfortunate when people follow conspiracy theories over facts but you should also not mix them with the staff of the restaurant and should have kept your mouth shut with a diplomatic statement like, "You're more than welcome to have your views but I will not be engaging in this discussion tonight."  

    Highly recommend looking outside your bubble and consider that you're not going to go far  outside your own echo chamber if this is the approach you take with those of opposing viewpoints. 
    VarunaTTshort+sassy
  • People like the LW are why I rarely tell people I have a PhD- you make us all look like assholes. 
    short+sassyMissKittyDangerVarunaTTMesmrEwe
  • You're a giant asshole. 
    banana468VarunaTTSTARMOON44MesmrEwe
  • “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” – Mark Twain

    Is the LW's phrase "done apologizing to people for being smart" their code for "tired of apologizing because I'm a pretentious AH".

    Even their Prudie letter demeans Amanda further, while trying to make themselves look more educated.  The random story on the lecture they gave about things like Amanda's weight loss books had nothing to do with the rest of the letter.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    banana468VarunaTT
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 23
    So...story time.  BIL has a friend who's just so arrogant and pompous.  He's totally like this LW.  I can't stand him, and luckily I see him maybe once a year.  I also openly make fun of him to DH, and BIL/SIL and it's so fucking funny that even BIL has to laugh because I'm right.  

    Anyway, when we went to Cincy a couple of weeks ago, this guy was there.  BIL, DH, asshole, and BIL's other friend went to a euchre tournament.  Apparently when they were at dinner, asshole was going on and on about how he was going to get his PhD because it's a 'panty-dropper' in his 'circles' (he's divorced; are you surprised?).  He's a 7th-grade English teacher, not a college prof or anything.  DH and BIL were like, "WTF are you even talking about?  That's gross.  Also, we're FORTY!" 

    He got sooo... drunk that night that he threw up in BIL's sink and passed out on his kitchen floor.  DH and SIL took pictures of him.   LOL 

    Anyway, so fuck this LW and the horse they rode in on.  They're lucky Amanda didn't cold-cock them.  What an antagonistic jerkface. 
    charlotte989875VarunaTT
  • mrsconn23 said:
    So...story time.  BIL has a friend who's just so arrogant and pompous.  He's totally like this LW.  I can't stand him, and luckily I see him maybe once a year.  I also openly make fun of him to DH, and BIL/SIL and it's so fucking funny that even BIL has to laugh because I'm right.  

    Anyway, when we went to Cincy a couple of weeks ago, this guy was there.  BIL, DH, asshole, and BIL's other friend went to a euchre tournament.  Apparently when they were at dinner, asshole was going on and on about how he was going to get his PhD because it's a 'panty-dropper' in his 'circles' (he's divorced; are you surprised?).  He's a 7th-grade English teacher, not a college prof or anything.  DH and BIL were like, "WTF are you even talking about?  That's gross.  Also, we're FORTY!" 

    He got sooo... drunk that night that he threw up in BIL's sink and passed out on his kitchen floor.  DH and SIL took pictures of him.   LOL 

    Anyway, so fuck this LW and the horse they rode in on.  They're lucky Amanda didn't cold-cock them.  What an antagonistic jerkface. 
    Lololol “panty dropper”. PhD to me says you make no money and think I’ll move anywhere in the country you get a tenure track job. No thank
    you. (Obvi not all PhDs)
    charlotte989875banana468mrsconn23
  • mrsconn23 said:
    So...story time.  BIL has a friend who's just so arrogant and pompous.  He's totally like this LW.  I can't stand him, and luckily I see him maybe once a year.  I also openly make fun of him to DH, and BIL/SIL and it's so fucking funny that even BIL has to laugh because I'm right.  

    Anyway, when we went to Cincy a couple of weeks ago, this guy was there.  BIL, DH, asshole, and BIL's other friend went to a euchre tournament.  Apparently when they were at dinner, asshole was going on and on about how he was going to get his PhD because it's a 'panty-dropper' in his 'circles' (he's divorced; are you surprised?).  He's a 7th-grade English teacher, not a college prof or anything.  DH and BIL were like, "WTF are you even talking about?  That's gross.  Also, we're FORTY!" 

    He got sooo... drunk that night that he threw up in BIL's sink and passed out on his kitchen floor.  DH and SIL took pictures of him.   LOL 

    Anyway, so fuck this LW and the horse they rode in on.  They're lucky Amanda didn't cold-cock them.  What an antagonistic jerkface. 
    Lololol “panty dropper”. PhD to me says you make no money and think I’ll move anywhere in the country you get a tenure track job. No thank
    you. (Obvi not all PhDs)
    Highly accurate if they’re looking to stay in academia. 
    VarunaTTmrsconn23STARMOON44
  • ei34ei34 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited February 24
    LW is a massive AH.  And don't worry about apologizing for being smart (you're not as smart as you think they are if you're spending so much time typing away on facebook where you're not going to change anyone's mind), focus more on not valuing people based on their education levels and careers.  
    edit spelling
    banana468charlotte989875MesmrEweVarunaTT
  • LW - YATA!!!!  Nuff said...
    VarunaTT
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