Dear Prudence,
My father passed away a week ago following a long battle with cancer. I am heartbroken not just about his death, but also about how much he suffered leading up to it. While I have been taking time to process his loss and grieve, I’m also trying not to wallow in it. My friends have been a huge source of comfort, offering not only support, but also funny distractions that make me laugh and temporarily forget about my sadness.
This brings me to my friend Charlie. When I texted him that my father had died, he didn’t respond. I have always known that emotional topics make him uncomfortable and he shies away from them at all costs, so I wasn’t expecting to receive the same level of support from him as other friends, and I was okay with that. But to not send any acknowledgement at all, not even a boilerplate “I’m sorry for your loss—it must be incredibly difficult” has left me confused.
Charlie is an extremely close friend whom I previously texted with multiple times throughout each day, but now he has gone radio silent. I tried reaching out again two days ago with a link to an article on a topic that we are both interested in—still no response.
I don’t know how to proceed. I miss my friend, and I need our fun banter more than ever. Part of me thinks I should reach out and tell Charlie that we don’t have to talk about my father, I just want to talk about something, anything. But the other part of me is a little pissed, and thinks I shouldn’t have to bend over backwards to manage his feelings when I’m the one who just lost my father. Any advice on how to proceed?
— Grieving and Confused