Have you asked her?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

​​Recently, I have been coming into my own as a lesbian, and I am very glad to say that I’ve been loving it! I have an understanding family; great, supportive friends; and an LGBTQIA+ accepting school community. As with any other teenager, I like to talk about the objects of my affection often and frequently. However, the thing is my best friend. She is by no means a bad friend: She’s absolutely amazing and a breath of fresh air after my admittedly long history of toxic friendships. She has also been coming into her own recently … she talks about not having any attraction (romantic or sexual) to anyone throughout her life, which points to her being aromantic/asexual. Let me be COMPLETELY CLEAR—I have absolutely no problem with that, and it’s wonderful that she understands herself. However, she seems uncomfortable/bored when I talk about girls I like, and it’s driving a bit of a wedge in our friendship, because who I like is a HUGE part of me. I’m torn—should I just stop talking about it? What do I do to keep us from drifting apart when it comes to this?

— Conflicting Sexualities

CharmedPam

If you can’t talk about love interests with your friends, what can you talk about? Say it to your friend just like how you said it here “It’s cool that you’re not
romantically attracted to anyone, all the power to you, but life goes on for me and I’m probably going to tell you what’s going on in my world. Cool?”

banana468

I think there's a balance here.  Who I love is a huge part of me - I married him!  But at the same time there's also creating a balance that you are not your crush or partner so it shouldn't dominate the conversation entirely either.   

charlotte989875

Ask her, but also ask yourself- is this all you’re talking about lately? What did you two talk about before this? Are those still be parts of your conversations? 

Huge self- discoveries are great and can feel like all you want tot all about. And that’s okay! But it can be a bit much if that’s dominating your conversations with your close friends. 

levioosa

charlotte989875 said:

Ask her, but also ask yourself- is this all you’re talking about lately? What did you two talk about before this? Are those still be parts of your conversations? 

Huge self- discoveries are great and can feel like all you want tot all about. And that’s okay! But it can be a bit much if that’s dominating your conversations with your close friends. 

This. Also I wonder how she is talking about her love interests? Is she super explicit? That could be a cause of discomfort for her friend as well, regardless if she’s Ace/Aro. 

I’m erring on the side of this is literally all she probably talks about now and it’s getting old. They are teenagers, so being hormone crazy and obsessing over crushes kind of goes with that. 

STARMOON44

Talking about who you like all the time is super boring for everyone around you

banana468

STARMOON44 said:

Talking about who you like all the time is super boring for everyone around you

Also, I remember listening to a friend of mine talking about an applicant that was turned down for a job because the SO was dominant in the conversation and it made the applicant appear to be devoid of all personality.   

It starts to turn you into the Julia Roberts' character in Runaway Bride who didn't know how she liked her eggs. 

short+sassy

I agree the LW needs to reflect upon herself and what kind of communication balance is going on here.

In addition, unless the BFF is identifying as aromantic/asexual...and it doesn't sound like  it...then the LW needs to stop trying to put her in a box.  They're so young.  That might turn out to be what the BFF's sexuality is.  Or having a romantic interest in someone might blossom for her later in life.

MyNameIsNot

It doesn't even have to be a super serious conversation. "Am I being girl crazy talking about my crush so much?"

mrsconn23

I'm sure LW wouldn't be happy if people made assumptions about her sexuality, so she shouldn't do it to their friend.  Also, some people are just not into other people's romantic/sex lives for all sorts of reasons.  

But I agree with the not making it A. Thing., and LW just asking point blank if they're being too 'extra' with the dating life talk.  But keep the assuming about BFF's sexuality out of the conversation.