Just switch. Why are you even asking?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

This is a super low-stakes question. Every time I go to get my haircut, my hairdresser shames my gray hairs. I know she has to upsell pricier salon services as part of her job, but I don’t like being engaged as a sales technician. For reference, maybe 5-10 percent of my hair is gray. I’m pushing 40 and I think I am allowed to have a few gray hairs! It’s driving me crazy and it’s making me want to switch stylists. How should I handle this?

— More Pepper Than Salt

STARMOON44

Just book an appointment with someone else this is not hard 

charlotte989875

Book an appointment with someone else. Or tell her what’s she’s doing is rude. But you don’t just have to sit there and listen like you have no agency. 

climbingsingle

If you really don't want to go to someone else, just tell her to stop commenting on your grey hair. 

Casadena

this is so dumb.

short+sassy

I'd switch stylists because, on a deeper level, I'd be too offended that she doesn't think it's okay for women to age.  That's already a really ugly and insidious facet of our society and I'm not dealing with someone who so heavily plays into it.

But the LW may not feel as strongly as I do about this person's poor character (at least on this point) and wants to stay with her.  In that case, she should firmly and very BLUNTLY tell her that she has no intention of ever dying her hair.  That it's extremely annoying and insulting when she brings it up every time she sees her and it stops today.

VarunaTT

I kinda feel bad for LW.  I broke up with my hair stylist of...15 years?  Right after my divorce.  He had become more and more difficult to schedule with, was constantly changing my appointments, and I didn't appreciate his reaction to me telling him I was divorcing exH.  I also held some guilt about breaking up with him, but I did.  You can do it to, LW and never have to provide an explanation why.

banana468

You can be clear, "I like the grays and do not want to change them."  

I'd give the stylist that one last answer because even if the stylist doesn't like them your hair is yours. 

short+sassy

There are also few things I hate more than a salesperson who won't listen to what I'm saying and won't take "no" for an answer.  Because the stylist is also being a salesperson.

I still not-so-fondly remember getting a fill for my acrylics.  It was a new salon I had not been to before.  The woman relentlessly harassed me for the last 5-10 minutes of my nails being done for her to tweeze my eyebrows.  

I told her I like the way my eyebrows look and don't want them tweezed.  Very firmly and bluntly.

They're pretty normal eyebrows, lol.  There might be a few stray hairs.  Which I can tweeze myself.  I just never do.

Then I noticed her eyebrows and was afraid, lol.  They were almost completely tweezed away.  The opposite of how I would want my eyebrows to look.  When she kept insisting I should try it.  I added that I prefer a fuller eyebrow and don't even like the look of a sparse, tweezed one.  It took some restraint to not add the words "like yours".

What I did need was a fill every few weeks.  But did I ever go back to her?  No way!  She lost a potential recurring customer.

climbingsingle

short+sassy said:

There are also few things I hate more than a salesperson who won't listen to what I'm saying and won't take "no" for an answer.  Because the stylist is also being a salesperson.

I still not-so-fondly remember getting a fill for my acrylics.  It was a new salon I had not been to before.  The woman relentlessly harassed me for the last 5-10 minutes of my nails being done for her to tweeze my eyebrows.  

I told her I like the way my eyebrows look and don't want them tweezed.  Very firmly and bluntly.

They're pretty normal eyebrows, lol.  There might be a few stray hairs.  Which I can tweeze myself.  I just never do.

Then I noticed her eyebrows and was afraid, lol.  They were almost completely tweezed away.  The opposite of how I would want my eyebrows to look.  When she kept insisting I should try it.  I added that I prefer a fuller eyebrow and don't even like the look of a sparse, tweezed one.  It took some restraint to not add the words "like yours".

What I did need was a fill every few weeks.  But did I ever go back to her?  No way!  She lost a potential recurring customer.

The worst is when you actually do get your eyebrows waxed and then get asked "Lip too?" 

ei34

climbingsingle said:

short+sassy said:

There are also few things I hate more than a salesperson who won't listen to what I'm saying and won't take "no" for an answer.  Because the stylist is also being a salesperson.

I still not-so-fondly remember getting a fill for my acrylics.  It was a new salon I had not been to before.  The woman relentlessly harassed me for the last 5-10 minutes of my nails being done for her to tweeze my eyebrows.  

I told her I like the way my eyebrows look and don't want them tweezed.  Very firmly and bluntly.

They're pretty normal eyebrows, lol.  There might be a few stray hairs.  Which I can tweeze myself.  I just never do.

Then I noticed her eyebrows and was afraid, lol.  They were almost completely tweezed away.  The opposite of how I would want my eyebrows to look.  When she kept insisting I should try it.  I added that I prefer a fuller eyebrow and don't even like the look of a sparse, tweezed one.  It took some restraint to not add the words "like yours".

What I did need was a fill every few weeks.  But did I ever go back to her?  No way!  She lost a potential recurring customer.

The worst is when you actually do get your eyebrows waxed and then get asked "Lip too?" 

No, the worst is when they ask that but say, "mustache too?".  Like sure when you put it like that...

I get my hair trimmed once every few months but only dye it around twice a year.  Just a single process, I have a nickle-edging-closer-to-quarter sized gray streak that I like colored back to my natural brown, along with some spare randomly spaced grays, nothing complicated.  That this LW can't let the hair stylist's commentary roll of her back (she even admits it's partly bc she doesn't like being part of a sales pitch) is kind of nuts.  We all have a job to do.  But, yeah, switch stylists if you can't handle it.  Just a warning though that your next stylist might mention them too.

levioosa

ei34 said:

climbingsingle said:

short+sassy said:

There are also few things I hate more than a salesperson who won't listen to what I'm saying and won't take "no" for an answer.  Because the stylist is also being a salesperson.

I still not-so-fondly remember getting a fill for my acrylics.  It was a new salon I had not been to before.  The woman relentlessly harassed me for the last 5-10 minutes of my nails being done for her to tweeze my eyebrows.  

I told her I like the way my eyebrows look and don't want them tweezed.  Very firmly and bluntly.

They're pretty normal eyebrows, lol.  There might be a few stray hairs.  Which I can tweeze myself.  I just never do.

Then I noticed her eyebrows and was afraid, lol.  They were almost completely tweezed away.  The opposite of how I would want my eyebrows to look.  When she kept insisting I should try it.  I added that I prefer a fuller eyebrow and don't even like the look of a sparse, tweezed one.  It took some restraint to not add the words "like yours".

What I did need was a fill every few weeks.  But did I ever go back to her?  No way!  She lost a potential recurring customer.

The worst is when you actually do get your eyebrows waxed and then get asked "Lip too?" 

No, the worst is when they ask that but say, "mustache too?".  Like sure when you put it like that...

I get my hair trimmed once every few months but only dye it around twice a year.  Just a single process, I have a nickle-edging-closer-to-quarter sized gray streak that I like colored back to my natural brown, along with some spare randomly spaced grays, nothing complicated.  That this LW can't let the hair stylist's commentary roll of her back (she even admits it's partly bc she doesn't like being part of a sales pitch) is kind of nuts.  We all have a job to do.  But, yeah, switch stylists if you can't handle it.  Just a warning though that your next stylist might mention them too.

I get my whole face threaded. A few weeks ago I went somewhere new. “Wow, I didn’t expect you to have this much hair. It just keeps going.” Um thanks, that’s why I’m getting my face threaded. I can’t help my Italian/Spanish background and now that I’m past 30 it’s really something. What I don’t need is you commenting multiple times on it. I guess I should just be happy it didn’t look like that much hair, otherwise they wouldn’t have been so surprised. 

climbingsingle

There's a reason why I started shaving my arms when I was in my early 20s. Very dark, thick hair against pale skin - not a good look and people would make comments. 

banana468

climbingsingle said:

There's a reason why I started shaving my arms when I was in my early 20s. Very dark, thick hair against pale skin - not a good look and people would make comments. 

Yeah.  With the LW in this situation I'm inclined to take their side because it's unfortunate when we see the concept that gray hair = out of date and it must be changed.

That said, there's a friend of the family that I see on FB and she graduated from HS in the 80s and if you saw a photo of her now you'd wonder when it was taken because she's clearly in her early 50s but has hair from 1986 with the high bangs and extra poof.  I have to believe that she's been approached that the style she's sporting may feel good to her as a security feeling but it's something that is a clearly dated look because the cut really only had a presence for a hot minute a long time ago.  

I admire her confidence to ignore others but I think it adds years to her by trying to hold onto something from over 30 years ago and think it would be a better look if she embraced a new style. 

climbingsingle

banana468 said:

climbingsingle said:

There's a reason why I started shaving my arms when I was in my early 20s. Very dark, thick hair against pale skin - not a good look and people would make comments. 

Yeah.  With the LW in this situation I'm inclined to take their side because it's unfortunate when we see the concept that gray hair = out of date and it must be changed.

That said, there's a friend of the family that I see on FB and she graduated from HS in the 80s and if you saw a photo of her now you'd wonder when it was taken because she's clearly in her early 50s but has hair from 1986 with the high bangs and extra poof.  I have to believe that she's been approached that the style she's sporting may feel good to her as a security feeling but it's something that is a clearly dated look because the cut really only had a presence for a hot minute a long time ago.  

I admire her confidence to ignore others but I think it adds years to her by trying to hold onto something from over 30 years ago and think it would be a better look if she embraced a new style. 

There was a woman at my old job that did the same. She still wore here hair like it was the mid 80s. Very teased, very high, very crunchy. And I thought the same thing - that it really aged and dated her.