Dear Prudence,
I don’t like my husband as a person any more. I don’t respect the choices he makes about how he shows up in the world. He is a cynical curmudgeon. His failure to take care of his health causes him to have symptoms that are a sexual turn-off. Conversation with him is boring and limited to his three favorite topics. He has no introspection and can’t communicate about anything emotional. I feel so lonely. On the other hand, he treats me like a queen. He does a lot around the house, tells me I’m beautiful, tells me how much he appreciates me, and thinks I’m smart. I work hard so I only have to work part time and can be home with our child. Couples therapy focuses on how we treat each other, but that’s not really my problem—he treats me great.
I want to wake up in the morning looking at someone I admire and am emotionally close with. However, I really don’t want to give up 50 percent custody of our child, and of course there’s no guarantee I’ll meet someone new. Nothing my husband does really rises to the level of “must divorce.” I’ve been on the fence for years. I guess I want someone to tell me that even though I have the luxury of working part-time, with a husband who is loyal and hard-working and complimentary, and leaving would mean losing my child 50 percent of the time, it’s worth all that in order to have the possibility (no guarantee) of finding someone I love and respect and enjoy as a life partner.
— Wanting Off the Fence