This is downright tragic (tw: suicide)

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I can’t figure out how to respond to well-meaning acquaintances/family friends/strangers while I grieve my mom’s death. My mom had a sudden plunge into depression last year after a lifetime of good health. She was hospitalized, and then in therapy and working with a doctor. Nothing seemed to work. My parents have always had separate politics, but dad coped during this time by getting even more into “alternative” news and various not-real social problems.

My siblings and I tried to just support Mom and stay out of those arguments, but when my dad insisted on buying his first-ever handgun because he was “worried about crime,” we all tried to talk him out of it, because it would be extra high-risk for her to have it in the house. My mom committed suicide with the gun about two months after he bought it. I’m so angry at both of them, and I miss her so much. He’s heartbroken and apologetic but I cannot forgive him right now, even though I know my siblings are trying to. I held it together to be polite at the funeral, but now I’m really only willing to talk about this with my close friends, my siblings, and my therapist.

My mom was a public school teacher and heavily involved in church and volunteer work in our area, so nearly every week I ran into a well-meaning person asking after her, or offering condolences and asking after my dad. I have no idea how to respond, especially because if she’d had a car accident or something, I would crave connection and support for myself and want it for my dad. But I’m so angry, and I don’t know what to do. My dad announced in her obituary and at the funeral that she “died after a sudden illness,” which shocked me. I feel like people who knew her keep expecting me to talk about a battle with cancer.

—So Angry

banana468

You can say that her illness was depression to those asking and by doing so you're making it aware that depression is an illness vs. something that appears to get more social attention without medical attention

But on the other aspect I don't know how I'd process the anger I'd likely have as well.  Your dad purchased a handgun and you brought to his attention that it was a problem when he did.

That said, I think there is a major issue right now that I see with people who appear to be believing the latest news agencies that are riddled with right wing conspiracy theories.   I'm seeing it in older relatives who are freaking out unnecessarily and DH and I bang our heads on desks. 

MissKittyDanger

Depression is a tricky feat.
It should be stated when people ask. LW should explain as much as they're comfortable with - end the stigma about it, and add education!

levioosa

This is so sad and I don’t think I could ever recover and forgive him for this. If mom was committed to the idea, sure, she might have found another way or at least might have attempted it. However guns allow people to be spontaneous in a way that a lot of other means don’t have. And it is proven that access to guns increases success with suicidal attempts. I am so sickened by our gun loving culture in general that this would probably drive a wedge in between the relationship and I don’t know if I would ever get past it. 

Casadena

levioosa said:

This is so sad and I don’t think I could ever recover and forgive him for this. If mom was committed to the idea, sure, she might have found another way or at least might have attempted it. However guns allow people to be spontaneous in a way that a lot of other means don’t have. And it is proven that access to guns increases success with suicidal attempts. I am so sickened by our gun loving culture in general that this would probably drive a wedge in between the relationship and I don’t know if I would ever get past it. 

you said exactly all the things I think as well

short+sassy

banana468 said:

You can say that her illness was depression to those asking and by doing so you're making it aware that depression is an illness vs. something that appears to get more social attention without medical attention

But on the other aspect I don't know how I'd process the anger I'd likely have as well.  Your dad purchased a handgun and you brought to his attention that it was a problem when he did.

That said, I think there is a major issue right now that I see with people who appear to be believing the latest news agencies that are riddled with right wing conspiracy theories.   I'm seeing it in older relatives who are freaking out unnecessarily and DH and I bang our heads on desks. 

I have the perfect "Republicans freaking out unnecessarily" story.

When Obama was elected in his first election, there was almost mass hysteria where I was working at the time.  The day after the election, two of my coworkers used their lunch hour to go buy more guns.   "Before it was too late and Obama made it illegal to buy them."

I knew they politically leaned conservative, but they'd never said anything hateful/inappropriate, so I always assumed they were more reasonable conservatives.  They had otherwise seemed like intelligent, cool people.  But that was some crazy and ignorant stuff!  As if any President could suddenly wipe away the Constitutional right to bear arms in one day.

They were hunters, but were specifically talking about handguns.  They both already had handguns.  How many more does a person even need for their "personal safety".  But no, no.  They dare not even wait until the weekend.  So bizarre.