Wedding Woes

Stay out of it.

Dear Prudence,

I (a married woman) just set up a single male co-worker and a single female friend of mine on a blind date. He’s a sharp guy who’s traveled the world and knows all about fine foods, wines, classical music, designer labels, etc., and she’s a stunningly beautiful and intelligent artist. I really thought they’d make a great couple. Immediately after their date, my friend thought it had gone well and was very excited. On Monday morning, I asked my co-worker, and he said my friend was attractive and a nice person, but he wouldn’t be asking for a second date.

My friend has been bewildered by her difficulty in finding a steady relationship, so I pressed him as to why. He told me they went to a swanky bar, and she—wait for it—ordered a plain glass of milk. He found this so clueless and childish that he couldn’t imagine being with her. Now my friend is neither a big drinker nor a teetotaler—just someone who’s going to order what she wants without worrying about what others think. Should I tell her why she won’t be hearing from this guy again, so she can reconsider ordering milk on dates in the future? Should I tell him how ridiculous he is for judging someone for something so petty?

—Dairy Disorder

Re: Stay out of it.

  • Agree, stay out of it. But Wut!? Who does that? I love milk, I had a glass earlier today. But why would you order that at a bar?
  • Does she know that milk is old and probably has been sitting open in a walk in for weeks? Not the point I know. 

    This isn’t your business. He’s petty, she’s odd. Still not your business. 
  • Well, part of the point of dating is that you can casually reject someone based on something serious or something silly.  

    LW should stay out of this particular situation.  But, if her friend is asking, LW can discuss with her how to make good impressions, etc.

    Also, I'm just weirded out that a grown adult can drink a plain glass of milk.  I wouldn't be able to do that ever, much less on a date.
  • That's so fucking weird. Who orders milk at a bar?? And good point that it's probably old. 

    But yeah, stay out of it. She deserves to find someone that appreciates her love of bar milk. I guess. 
  • Wait.
    was it milk and cookies and he didnt mention the cookies? Because then it’s not so weird.

  • I'm totally w/ @charlotte989875.  He's petty and she's odd.  Milk at a bar?  This is a like a major lack of understanding of how businesses may work?  But it's also likely that there's something else happening maybe with the conversation itself?  Was the conversation....milky? 

  • Agree with @charlotte989875 that he's petty and she's odd. But neither of these things are your problem. You set up the date, your work is done, and it's not your job to try to change either of them.
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  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Way back in my dating days I'd not go on a second date for one "off" thing, and I could see ordering a glass of milk at a bar being that thing for someone.  *shrugs* 
    My only question is why friend was so bewildered that LW asked her co-worker, now has an answer, and is on the fence about telling the friend.  Um, yeah, I'd tell her his answer.
  • Also, I kind of thought this dude sounded like a possible snob and then his answer definitely made me think so.  Then I remembered that one Prudie letter with the guy who was all, I'm not above these peons I used to work with, but I'm really super better than them really.
  • I'd tell the friend his answer, but only because she asked.  But for goodness sake, don't tell your coworker he is ridiculous and petty.

    I also drink milk at home.  I've never ordered it at a restaurant or bar, as an adult.  Because that is pretty weird.

    Here's my petty thing for why I didn't go on a second date with a guy.  He didn't know what lasagna was.  I could have even lived with "he'd never tried it", which would still be concerning but not a dealbreaker.  But if your life has been so sheltered that you have never even heard of lasagna, I can't.  Our lives have been too different and our lifestyles probably are also.
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  • I'd tell the friend his answer, but only because she asked.  But for goodness sake, don't tell your coworker he is ridiculous and petty.

    I also drink milk at home.  I've never ordered it at a restaurant or bar, as an adult.  Because that is pretty weird.

    Here's my petty thing for why I didn't go on a second date with a guy.  He didn't know what lasagna was.  I could have even lived with "he'd never tried it", which would still be concerning but not a dealbreaker.  But if your life has been so sheltered that you have never even heard of lasagna, I can't.  Our lives have been too different and our lifestyles probably are also.
    Had he never listened to Weird Al? 
  • I'd tell the friend his answer, but only because she asked.  But for goodness sake, don't tell your coworker he is ridiculous and petty.

    I also drink milk at home.  I've never ordered it at a restaurant or bar, as an adult.  Because that is pretty weird.

    Here's my petty thing for why I didn't go on a second date with a guy.  He didn't know what lasagna was.  I could have even lived with "he'd never tried it", which would still be concerning but not a dealbreaker.  But if your life has been so sheltered that you have never even heard of lasagna, I can't.  Our lives have been too different and our lifestyles probably are also.
    Totally valid reason to not go on a second date. Who hasn't heard of lasagna? How strange. I mean, I get that my mom's family is Italian, and lasagna was at every single holiday meal. But...huh? Also could never see a future with someone that had never heard of a very popular pasta dish. 
  • I'd tell the friend his answer, but only because she asked.  But for goodness sake, don't tell your coworker he is ridiculous and petty.

    I also drink milk at home.  I've never ordered it at a restaurant or bar, as an adult.  Because that is pretty weird.

    Here's my petty thing for why I didn't go on a second date with a guy.  He didn't know what lasagna was.  I could have even lived with "he'd never tried it", which would still be concerning but not a dealbreaker.  But if your life has been so sheltered that you have never even heard of lasagna, I can't.  Our lives have been too different and our lifestyles probably are also.
    Totally valid reason to not go on a second date. Who hasn't heard of lasagna? How strange. I mean, I get that my mom's family is Italian, and lasagna was at every single holiday meal. But...huh? Also could never see a future with someone that had never heard of a very popular pasta dish. 
    I still find it mind boggling and I can't explain it.

    We were at a mid-level Italian restaurant.  I had to explain a lot of the dishes on the menu to him.  Some of those were fairly common dishes also, but only in Italian restaurants.  Still weird, but could be explained if he rarely/never goes to Italian restaurants.

    But lasagna is in the frozen section of the grocery store.  People bring it to potlucks.  It's referenced in tvs, movies, and (per banana468) songs.  FWIW, I've only heard a couple Weird Al songs and don't remember lasagna mentioned.

    I asked him where he grew up and different places he lived.  On the off chance, he grew up in a foreign country where it's possible he would have been less likely to be exposed to Italian food.  I don't remember what he said, but he had grown up in the US.  Don't know!
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