What did Luke do in the past?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I have been very happy at my job for two years. I recently applied for an internal position that I was very excited about, but I didn’t make the third round of interviews. I’m pretty bummed, but I knew this was a potential outcome. Before my interviews, an old friend/roommate “Luke” texted me out of the blue saying he had an interview for the same position (not surprising—we work in the same small industry) and asked if I had any tips. Despite our many mutual friends, similar careers, shared hobbies, and physical proximity, Luke is someone that I have taken pains to distance myself from as much as possible in the last few years, for my own mental health. He is very charming on the surface, but in the 10 years that I have known him, he has proven to me time and time again that he is manipulative, selfish, and only nice toward people if he feels they can benefit him somehow. When I do run into him these days, he always probes me for information on the company I work for and open jobs. He’s friendly to me now that I’m in his career path, and I am polite in return, but I can’t forget how belittling, cruel, and disrespectful he was to me in the past.

I didn’t tell him that I had also applied and simply responded that he would do well. Now that I know I didn’t get the job, I’m completely petrified that he will. The role is one that I will work with directly on a regular basis, and need to collaborate with. I can’t bear the thought of having to spend more time around this person who hurt me so badly and was so detrimental to my well-being, no matter how “nice” he is to me now. I also love my job and I don’t want to leave. I know that I’m worrying about things that haven’t happened yet, but he’s a very good candidate, he will interview well, and I am already feeling myself unravel … how do I cope if my nightmare comes true?

—Literally Anyone Else

levioosa

I mean, you said it yourself, LW, you’re worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. So chill out. If you’re feeling yourself unravel now, Luke won’t even have to do anything if he gets the job because you’ll self sabotage. 

charlotte989875

Stop borrowing tomorrows problems. If it happens, limit your interactions with him to essential work or look for another job. 

short+sassy

levioosa said:

I mean, you said it yourself, LW, you’re worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. So chill out. If you’re feeling yourself unravel now, Luke won’t even have to do anything if he gets the job because you’ll self sabotage. 

NGL, I do this ALL the time.  Worry, worry, worry about things that may nor may not happen.  Sometimes it's makes sense because I'm making decisions now that will be affected by what happens in the future.  But it's usually things I can't do anything about anyway or prepare for.  I know it's counter-productive, but I can't help myself.

It's too bad the LW was in competition for this position because then it would have been a bad look to express concern.  But if it hadn't been for that, they could have said something to their manager or the hiring manager when interviews were being scheduled.

The engineering industry in NOLA isn't tiny.  But it's small enough that I've worked with some of the same people at different companies.  Fortunately, no one I've had concerns about.  But there are a few people I do, and if I ever caught wind they were being called for an interview or considered for a position, I would speak privately to the manager.

MyNameIsNot

Some of this really depends on what Luke did. If he was violent or something, you probably should mention it to the hiring manager. If he was a dick to you when you dated for 2 months, you just need to get over it. 

But yeah, you kind of have to let the hiring managers make their decisions, and then if you really can't work with him you start looking for another job.