Mom is a jerk, poor Bob

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

My mom and I recently completed a cruise to Alaska, which we loved. We had a great time doing excursions at every port, participating in daily ship activities and really enjoyed the specialty restaurants and main dining room experiences. Mom is married and for our Alaskan cruise, her husband, Bob, stayed at home. She told him this was a mother-daughter trip and (in a politer way than this) that he wasn’t invited.

Bob is in his eighties and not in good health and has very limited mobility. His son came down and stayed with him while we were away, and they had a good time together. Mom has cruised with Bob once before and didn’t like it because he doesn’t get off the ship at ports and only leaves the cabin to eat at the buffet—the place on a cruise ship Mom hates the most.

Since Mom and I enjoyed our cruise so much, we booked a Mediterranean cruise for summer 2024. Mom very much wants her and I to share a cabin, and she’s invited my brother, his wife, and their children to come as well, in their own cabin. She invited Bob, too, but only out of politeness, and she strongly believes that Bob will not be healthy enough to handle the cruise. However, when Bob learned about the cruise, he was very excited. He really wants to go.
And I’m happy to have him along. But I don’t want to share a cabin with Bob because he snores extremely loudly, has the TV on all day and night, and generally just makes a lot of noise.

I brought up the possibility of booking my own cabin so that Mom and Bob can have a cabin to themselves. But she insists that Bob will not be healthy enough to fly to Europe, get on a cruise ship for 10 days, and explore Greek islands and ancient ruins in the summer heat with his mobility issues, so there’s no need for me to book another room. And she’s right; I can’t imagine Bob actually enjoying this trip, and it’s all too much money to spend to just sit in your cabin all day. But, Bob wants me to stay with them to split the cost of the cabin 3 ways (Mom and I are fine splitting it 2 or 3 ways, but Bob is very cost-conscious), and if I pull out of that arrangement, he won’t come, which would negate me needing my own cabin

CharmedPam

There are people who dont get off the ship, and use these as ship experiences.  Why do that on a Mediterranean one? Well, this is why.  To be with someone else who wants to go. And Bob could very well make this trip.  My uncle was in poor condition the last 7 or 8 years of his life and surprised us all on where he went. But this is tough because he very well might NOT make the trip. 

I have no advise.

banana468

I think I'd say to mom, "While I agree with you I need to book my own room now.  I am not sharing a room while Bob says he is coming"

climbingsingle

Ugh, poor Bob. So what if he doesn't get off the ship? He obviously still wants to go and thinks it will be fun. 
Why not invite Bob's son to go to? Maybe then they can share a room. 

VarunaTT

Damn, y'all are really mean to Bob.

Just book your own room and leave it at that.  I love my mother and 10 days sharing a room with her would be exhausting.  Get your own room b/c you want your own space, period.

STARMOON44

Lol I’m Team not Bob! He cannot do this and is being annoying. 

short+sassy

Alaska cruise.  Mediterranean cruise to the Greek isles.  I want to hang with this family!  But in my own cabin, lol.

I like @climbingsingle's idea of inviting the son, so he and the dad can share a room.  But that isn't going to fit the dad's narrative either because it would be just as much money as if he split a cabin with his wife.  Unless the son wants to share the room with the two of them and pay a third, while the LW gets her own cabin.

Ooohhh!  I have another idea.  Maybe mom/stepdad can share a room with the brother's kids, if the brother pays a third.  Brother and his wife get alone time on vacation, which I'm guessing is rare for them.  Stepdad gets the cheap price he wants.  Win-win.

It's totally reasonable for the LW to put their foot down and insist on getting their own cabin if Bob is coming.  This is totally Bob's choice.  He IS invited!  He just wants a dirt cheap price because a 3rd or 4th person in the room often doesn't have any or much of an extra cost.

Those cabins are SMALL!  Including only one tiny bathroom.  One other adult is fine.  Two is not.

ei34

LW needs to book their own room

charlotte989875

They don’t get to dictate how you vacation. Book your own room. If you have to make adjustments later then do that. Maybe inviting Bob’s son is the right choice. Maybe he’ll decide not to come. But right now he wants to join and staying with them both is untenable. Book your own room. 

Jen4948

OP, go ahead and book your own room. That's a decision for you to make for yourself, not to have Mom or Bob make for you. Bob can invite his own son along or loosen his fist, but it is totally reasonable for you to occupy your own room.