Dont spend money on a wedding you don't want

Casadena

Dear Prudence,

My wife and I eloped during the pandemic, and our small, personal wedding was perfect for us. But her parents are now pressuring us to have another wedding or at least a reception. I know how much money and planning goes into these events—I’ve worked in the wedding industry, and I didn’t enjoy how similar all the weddings felt. It might be my wife’s parents’ only chance to have a wedding party for one of their children, as their other adult child is asexual and aromantic. I hate crowds and I’d rather save for a house, but I feel obligated. And my wife has a lot of friends I know she would want to invite, so then I would feel like I should invite all my people, too. And we want to have a kid soon! What should we do?

banana468

What about a cocktail event?  You can still throw a party and it doesn't need to be a wedding. 

climbingsingle

Does LW's wife want to have this party too? 

short+sassy

climbingsingle said:

Does LW's wife want to have this party too? 

That's an important question!  That the LW doesn't even touch on.  Hmmm.

If she does, then I could see doing something cheaper and more low-key.  Like a backyard BBQ.  Or reserve a private room at a restaurant/hotel with a small guest list and have a celebratory dinner with everyone.  Lots of lower cost options that can be a compromise.

But if she doesn't either, then I'd tell the parents, "Great!  You pay for 100% of it and we will be there.  Otherwise, we can't afford it because we have other financial goals that are more important to us."  If they are ready to tell the parents, mentioning that not having this event means a grandchild sooner could stop all of this faux wedding talk, lol.

Or a more blunt, "We don't care about that and won't spend our money on it, so stop bringing it up."

VarunaTT

Everything @short+sassy said, plus being asexual/aromantic doesn't mean that child won't get married.  

Also, IDK why MIL's need to experience a wedding is a consideration, but I'm kind cold hearted right now.

short+sassy

VarunaTT said:

Everything @short+sassy said, plus being asexual/aromantic doesn't mean that child won't get married.  

Also, IDK why MIL's need to experience a wedding is a consideration, but I'm kind cold hearted right now.

I'm always cold hearted when someone wants to volun-spend my money on a luxury I don't want, lol.

charlotte989875

Tell them “great, we’ll be happy to show up for an event you want to plan and pay for”.