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Wedding Woes

Stop being available to help.

Dear Prudence,

My brother is in a committed relationship and owns a home with his partner. I love my brother’s dog, but I don’t love his partner’s high-maintenance cats or the home’s elaborate landscaping.

When my brother asks me to sit at his place for a few days, he pays me and stocks the fridge for me, but I love this dog and would do the job for free. But my brother’s partner doesn’t pay me to follow intricate procedures for the cats or spend 20 minutes every evening with a garden hose watering each plant around the yard. We’re polite to each other but we are not friends; I don’t like them, they don’t like me, but we can keep up a truce because we both love my brother. Also, the partner keeps giving me notes and feedback on top of their complicated but vague instructions, which makes me feel bad because I’m trying my best. I don’t want to bother my brother, but is there a tactful way to ask his partner to (1) pay me for my effort, (2) lower their standards, or (3) hire someone else?

—Just Here for the Dog

Re: Stop being available to help.

  • Just tell them you're not available next time they ask. I wouldn't bring it up - it honestly doesn't even sound like any good would come of it. 
  • "OH I'm so busy that week.  I can let the dog out, but I won't have time for the plants or the cat's schedules."  

    People, help yourselves.  
  • Offer to watch the dog at your house. 
  • “John, I’m just not comfortable with this. I don’t mind taking care of Otis he is a chill dude and you pay me. I’m not comfortable with high needs cats, I don’t want to spend 20 minutes landscaping, and your partner is rude to me about it and doesn’t pay me. So I’ll watch Otis at my place if you drop him off but that’s it.”
  • These cats and the gardening are also your brother's things.

    Just say no next time.
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