Dear Prudence,
I tend to interact with my wife as I would do with my close friends. However, sometimes I end up saying something casually that really offends her. One recent example is that she wanted a specific gift on her birthday and was looking for some deal through one of our common friends. I told her multiple times that we’ll save very little so it’s ok to order at full price. However, she insisted on checking the possibility of the deal. Our friend wasn’t willing to help us at this point and requested us to wait till later this year. At that, I said if we wait further, we would also be able to get the newer model of this item. My wife interpreted it as my lack of intention of buying her a gift. She didn’t even discuss what she felt. Several days later, I realized that she actually wanted to order the gift at full price but she got offended at my comment.
This is an example of a pattern that happens very often. I find it extremely heartbreaking that my casual remark is seen as my lack of intention of buying her gifts. I do agree that, as she says, she doesn’t desire a lot of things, but she does have everything she desires, including several expensive items. How do I stop treating my wife like I treat my closest buddies?
—Feeling Unfairly Interpreted