Dear Prudence,
The day my sister died, I was in her house looking after my nephews while their father stayed by her bedside. He returned home shortly after I had put them to bed and we sat together crying and hugging, talking late into the night. At some point in the early hours of the morning, we ended up having sex and we had a very brief affair with no romantic feelings, just deep sadness and loss. That ended after a very emotional conversation in which he asked me to leave, and I’ve stayed away ever since. I didn’t even attend her funeral. Several weeks later, I discovered I was pregnant and quickly decided to terminate because the alternative was far too raw and complicated. Besides the horrible emotional cost of all of this, I am now navigating all sorts of family pressure, particularly from my parents who cannot understand why I am “heartlessly ignoring my nephews when they need me most.” It’s a horribly fraught situation and one I hope will resolve with time, but for now, I need a script to get people to stop pressuring me to engage with my brother-in-law when he would not welcome it without explaining why.
—Distant Auntie