You say nothing, to him or her.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My son’s girlfriend has gained a lot of weight in the last few months; she suffers from PCOS. I tried to broach the topic with my son—he is aware, but I’m not sure he addresses the issue. I know it’s not my place to say anything, but I am really concerned about the GF’s health on the way to obesity What do I do? I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my son, but this is really unhealthy, and I worry about him having to carry this.

—Can’t Take the Heat

charlotte989875

You do some real soul searching on why this bothers you so much. Why does her body cause you this much anxiety.’?

Oh and in the meantime leave the poor girl alone and say absolutely nothing to either of them!

levioosa

“Dear Prudie, my son’s girlfriend suffers from an autoimmune disease that she has no control over, but she’s getting fat and it’s gross. How can I tell her I’d be supportive if she was skinny and sick, but now that she’s gained wait it’s her fault?”

CharmedPam

charlotte989875 said:

You do some real soul searching on why this bothers you so much. Why does her body cause you this much anxiety.’?

Oh and in the meantime leave the poor girl alone and say absolutely nothing to either of them!

This.  Obviously she’s aware of the health risks. Maybe her and her doctor are taking care of it?

climbingsingle

Jesus. Of all the "this is not your business" letters. 

Get yourself into therapy as to why you think it's your place to even talk to your son about this, let alone his girlfriend. She has a clear medical diagnosis that is known to cause weight gain! 

banana468

You're worried about HIM carrying HER weight? 

GTFO you selfish person.  You're the reason women don't bond with their mothers in law.

MyNameIsNot

WTF is wrong with you LW? 

mrsconn23

Here's the letter LW wanted to send, "My son's GF has a dx'd medical condition that is known to cause weight gain and she's gained weight.  I don't want to look at her anymore because she's fat and don't know why he still wants to be with her.  How can I tell him she shouldn't give him a boner any longer without being an asshole?!  I can make it about her 'health' and his future, but how do I go about that?" 

Fuck. You. 

climbingsingle

I wonder what Prudie's response was to this. 

mrsconn23

climbingsingle said:

I wonder what Prudie's response was to this. 

Dear Heat,

Please don’t say anything. “I know it’s not my place to say anything. I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my son” can be your mantra. Repeat it to yourself whenever you get the itch to share your concerns. Mind if I quote myself? As I recently told another letter-writer who was weirdly into minding other people’s business, “I’m not going to reinvent the wheel here, because with even the tiniest bit of curiosity you could disabuse yourself of your outdated, 1980s notions of the relationship between body size and health. Instead I’ll just send you to these two episodes of the podcast Maintenance Phase that will seriously challenge your thinking: 1) The Obesity Epidemic and 2) Is Being Fat Bad For You?” Listen to those! Also, please let me assure you that your son’s girlfriend lives in the world and is well aware of her weight and what society says about it. You will not be breaking any news to her if you tell her you think it’s better to be thin. I promise you. Finally, if this is all tied to a health condition that is out of her control, keep in mind that your feedback will be 100 percent useless

mrsconn23

Prudie was firm, but helpful. And more measured than I could be.  LOL 

climbingsingle

Yup, same lol. 

MyNameIsNot

Sometimes I think prudie is way too nice.

short+sassy

I do like Prudie's last line of, "Keep in mind that your feedback will be 100% useless."

It's like the LW "logically" knows that the weight gain is caused by a medical condition. But can't overcome her own fat-shaming societal prejudices that it's really the g/f's fault.

I wonder if she's even done any research about PCOS.  I'd like to ask the LW exactly what does she think the g/f should do.  Eat only 1,000 calories/day and vigorously work out for 2 hours?  And what if extremes like that don't work.  Because they very well might not.  800 calories/day?  500 calories/day?  Practically starve herself?  Does any of THAT sound "healthy"?