Dear Prudence,
My estranged father passed away, I hadn’t spoken to him in 20 years and never expected to. That is a long story and not part of my issue/question. I have several siblings and two of them strongly want to remember him in their own way, and that’s fine. I’m not going to tell other people how their relationships should look or expect them to see things my way. We’re all fortunate enough to understand that he was a complicated person and our relationships with him (or lack thereof) were each our own. The problem is they want to have a small, intimate meetup at a place that we have some less stressful memories of our dad to spread his ashes and remember him, and they’re asking me to be there as support to them. But it feels like their request is disregarding my own feelings and I’m not sure how I can navigate the request without hurting either them or myself. How would I express to my siblings that while I respect their feelings and are empathetic to their loss, I have my own relationship with the person that I feel would be alienated if I allowed myself to support them?
—Supportive Sibling