You're both being jerks here.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

There are six of us in the family and so far, my nephew is the only grandchild. He is a sweet kid and I love him, but I will probably find him more interesting when he grows up into a person. I am not very interested in children, never played with baby dolls growing up, and resented being forced into free babysitter mode because I happened to be a girl while my brothers and even my twin got to run around and have fun. There is a gap of nine years between my sister and me, so we aren’t close.

Every time I come home, she gets angry with me if I don’t spend every minute of the day doting on the baby. I will hold and cuddle my nephew, but I haven’t driven four hours to be a babysitter. I came to see my family and friends. My sister complains constantly if I go out with my twin to socialize or don’t want to “hang out” at her house (which means watch the baby). We ended up having a huge fight because I chose to get overtime and work rather than coming for my nephew’s first birthday party. I sent a gift, but it isn’t like he is going to remember if I am there or not. Our mom retired in another state with her second husband. My sister never treats her like this. What should I do? I am tired of her attitude but just not seeing her isn’t an option, as we live in a small town.

—Baby Trouble

Casadena

Wait, do they live 4 hours away or in the same small town? I'm confused and it changes my answer a bit. If far, come to town having plans and carve out specific time for your sister/nephew, as in "I'm going to be in town next weekend and have some time sunday afternoon - can i stop by and see you guys?" Not going to the birthday party is not a big deal to me, especially if LW is far. If they're in the same town it seems petty to not go. 

Seems like LW is just feeling a ton of resentment and anger about her childhood - understandable given how she describes it. But dont' take it out on your sister and nephew. 

VarunaTT

It sounds to me like LW has the boundaries she wants.  She doesn't have to listen to the complaining.  Sister might take away access to nephew (probably not if she really is wanting a babysitter), but doesn't sound like LW really cares.  Vent away, LW, but it sounds like things are working how you want them to, so stop trying to mess with your comfortable boundaries that seem fairly reasonable to me.

short+sassy

@Casadena, that confused me also.  I think the sister lives in the childhood hometown, that is 4 hours away from where the LW lives now.  It was confusing because the LW said at the end "as we live in a small town".  I think the LW just shortened it to the present tense because that is where the sister lives now and where the LW used to live.  Which is also why they know a lot of people there.

I agree the best way to handle it is to schedule time with the sister, ahead of a visit.  That way, she knows what to expect.

Hmmm.  I wonder if the LW stays with this sister for her visits?  That would make more sense as to how the sister knows what she is doing and where she is going.

Casadena

@short+sassy I was wondering too if she stays with sister when she goes back. If yes, i think she needs to make a point to spend some time there or find a different place to crash.