Plan Was to Be Engaged by End of 2023, Boyfriend's Dad Passed Away Yesterday

knottieb372f596e00ad589

I don't even know where to begin.

My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting engaged for about six months now. The plan was to be engaged by the end of 2023 with either a late 2024 or 2025 wedding.

Well, life sometimes happens and boy did life happen yesterday.

My boyfriend got a call from his mom yesterday morning saying his dad passed away in his sleep. I want to be clear- his father was 93 years old and had been declining fairly rapidly. The man I met was no longer around and hadn't been for at least a few months. This wasn't unexpected or shocking, but simultaneously no one was expecting it to happen now.

My boyfriend and I had talked about doing a legal ceremony for his father to attend shortly after we got engaged but obviously that isn't a concern now.

I put my boyfriend in an Uber yesterday morning to get to his mom's (no crying on the subway for my guy). I did offer to go with him but he opted to go alone. He stayed at his mom's last night and he said he does not know if he will be staying tonight/into the future.

My boyfriend is his mother's only child (his dad has two kids from his first marriage). I want to be clear, I very very much like his mother.

I want to be there for my boyfriend- support him, love him, give him everything he needs right now. I guess I'm wondering what to do about the looming engagement. 

I realize grieving the death of a parent is a long and arduous process. I do not want to rush him. I do not want to put pressure on him. I'm almost 35 though (he is 37) and I do have a ticking clock. 

I'm also worried because my boyfriend is saying he is okay, but I know that he is likely still in shock.

I guess I'm just looking for any advice or thoughts you all have.

My boyfriend did joke yesterday that we can get married anywhere now (his dad wouldn't stay overnight anywhere but his home towards the end of his life), which was certainly said in the shock of receiving the news. 

I guess I want to guard my heart a bit too- I know sometimes people leave relationships when they're grieving.

Any thoughts or advice is much appreciated!

climbingsingle

knottieb372f596e00ad589 said:

I don't even know where to begin.

My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting engaged for about six months now. The plan was to be engaged by the end of 2023 with either a late 2024 or 2025 wedding.

Well, life sometimes happens and boy did life happen yesterday.

My boyfriend got a call from his mom yesterday morning saying his dad passed away in his sleep. I want to be clear- his father was 93 years old and had been declining fairly rapidly. The man I met was no longer around and hadn't been for at least a few months. This wasn't unexpected or shocking, but simultaneously no one was expecting it to happen now.

My boyfriend and I had talked about doing a legal ceremony for his father to attend shortly after we got engaged but obviously that isn't a concern now.

I put my boyfriend in an Uber yesterday morning to get to his mom's (no crying on the subway for my guy). I did offer to go with him but he opted to go alone. He stayed at his mom's last night and he said he does not know if he will be staying tonight/into the future.

My boyfriend is his mother's only child (his dad has two kids from his first marriage). I want to be clear, I very very much like his mother.

I want to be there for my boyfriend- support him, love him, give him everything he needs right now. I guess I'm wondering what to do about the looming engagement. 

I realize grieving the death of a parent is a long and arduous process. I do not want to rush him. I do not want to put pressure on him. I'm almost 35 though (he is 37) and I do have a ticking clock. 

I'm also worried because my boyfriend is saying he is okay, but I know that he is likely still in shock.

I guess I'm just looking for any advice or thoughts you all have.

My boyfriend did joke yesterday that we can get married anywhere now (his dad wouldn't stay overnight anywhere but his home towards the end of his life), which was certainly said in the shock of receiving the news. 

I guess I want to guard my heart a bit too- I know sometimes people leave relationships when they're grieving.

Any thoughts or advice is much appreciated!

Real talk, you need to slow your roll. Your partner just lost his parent. Regardless of his father's age, it still is devastating.

Put the thought of the engagement out of your mind and just focus on being there for him. Let him grieve. Give him time. If he's struggling, suggest grief therapy (down the road, not anytime soon). And I'd wait for him to bring up the engagement when he's ready. 

banana468

It's less than a week since his dad died.  I'm absolutely going to echo that you need to slow your roll.   

It sounds like you two are serious and that's great - but right now you need to focus on him, supporting him and his grief.  This isn't the time to consider engagement discussion and adding it to the conversation will likely be perceived as selfish with a lack of empathy.