Wedding Woes

Pull back or tell her your interested and deal with the result

Dear Prudence,

I’m somehow 30 but having a problem I haven’t had since 17: having a crush on a straight friend. Last year, a grad school friend “Tara” moved back to my city, and we developed one of those ultra-close, more than slightly homoerotic friendships that I had in high school. I realized pretty quickly that I was becoming romantically attached, but I can’t figure out how to take a step back to kill the crush without killing the friendship. Tara may or may not be actually straight (it’s very hard to tell), but either way she’s publicly interested in men, and this is clearly not going anywhere healthy for me. My teen-self would cling to this until it imploded, but I know I can do better as an adult. How, though?

—Trying to Get Untangled

Re: Pull back or tell her your interested and deal with the result

  • Options
    I mean I’d go for it. “Hey Tara, been thinking, love hanging out as friends, would also be down to be more than that. Would you be interested in taking this in a romantic direction?”  
  • Options
    There’s really only three options: ask her and see if she’s open, back away, or keep going as you’re going. Only one really gives you the potential to see what might happen. 
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