Not Engaged Yet

Big Feelings about Marraige

Hey, I'm new here but I don't really have anywhere else to turn. I am just looking for an outside perspective or advice on what I should do. Kind of venting, but also really want a perspective and some advice on how to handle this and move forward. 

So a bit of context, this could get long, but here goes:
My boyfriend and I have been together for 8, almost 9 years (this month!). We have been through everything together. Deaths in the family, my graduation from college, his graduation from college, moving houses, getting pets, being broke, losing jobs, you name it, we survived it and our feelings are still strong. I feel like we have an unbreakable bond and I know he cares deeply for me and wants to make this work. However...

I have been wanting a proposal and wedding since I was a "little girl" as many people would say. He has been aware of this from the start and I haven't exactly been secretive about wanting a wedding and marriage for the past few years. We are very open and have had this discussion many times before. However, he is not interested. At all. He completely despises weddings and ceremonies and keeps barking about how it's all about "social status" and completely meaningless and our money could be better spent elsewhere, such as on a trip for just the two of us or a new home. (We just moved to a new home a month ago but okay). 

I tried to explain to him why it is important to me, it's a ceremony, a symbol of our union, to celebrate with family and friends, etc. but he won't listen. He is absolutely against the idea and this is what has held us back all this time from moving forward is that we can't see eye-to-eye on this specific subject. I really want a wedding, he really does not and neither of us have been willing to budge on our standpoint so we kind of tip toed around it for YEARS. I have grown more and more resentful as my friends went off, got married in beautiful weddings and began families. I don't want children but I do want a small simple wedding and to call this man my husband finally and all of this has built into resentment and any talk of weddings or marriage is extremely touchy for me. His brother just got married a few years ago and I suffered through attending that and wishing it were me. I know that sounds selfish but I can't help it. I really want to be married and have a wedding. 

Well, today things hit a boiling point all of a sudden, which I guess was inevitable in our situation. I come home from work as I always do on any normal Thursday, and get ready to go work out as I do every normal Thursday. My boyfriend just got back from spending the day with his mom, and pulls me aside as I'm getting ready and says "We need to talk". I was like "Okay, what's up?" and he mentions that he was talking to his mom, and he has a ring and wants to give it to me. He says he wants us to get married. (he does not give me this ring he claims to have) I am overcome with emotion and think this is finally happening. I feel that a proposal that I wanted for so long is imminent and so many feelings are coming up that I start crying instantly. Not really how I pictured a proposal going, but whatever, I'll take it.

However, this didn't last long. He goes on to again say he doesn't want a wedding, had no idea about wedding bands or a marriage certificate and doesn't think those are necessary either, and wants us to spend "wedding money" on a new house or fancy vacation as mentioned above. He doesn't even want to go the courthouse or anything, he just wants us to somehow be married without any "spectacle" or "legal crap". This completely crushed my dreams yet again and I tried to compromise offering a small wedding, just immediate family and friends, at my mom's house in the garden, a small wedding party and minimal "spectacle". I really just want a small gathering, pretty dress and a nice cake and to celebrate our union with the people we care about. Not even planning to spend a whole fortune on it, I can DIY most of it. He isn't having it. We even had a big fight about it and can't agree on anything. I am hurt and feel like if he really wanted to be with me, he would be willing to budge (just a little) and have the tiny wedding to give me some portion of what I want. But he absolutely refuses. Am I wrong for insisting on some kind of wedding? What should I do? I've been crying all day and feel crushed and like we are back to square one. I don't think it's right he wants to rob me of the one thing I've asked for all this time just because he isn't into's only one day that he has to endure but it would mean everything to me. 
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