Dear Prudence,
My husband and I are in our mid-30s. He has 9-year-old twins that I have had in my life since they were babies. His ex is a mess and didn’t bother to try and get her act together until this year. We shared equal custody with the maternal grandparents. She has never had custody or paid child support. She does the bare minimum when she feels like it and acts like the parent of the year and everyone lets her. I thought my husband had my back when it came to me acting as a mother to the twins and I thought I had a good relationship with the grandparents. Now his ex can straight up lie to the twins, (tell them I cheated on their father when she was pregnant when we hadn’t even met or I told her she can’t take the kids for treats ), called me a bitch to my face with no one even flinching. She is “working on” it. Both of the twins are acting out with my stepdaughter acting the worst and imitating her mother. She will not even call me by my name let alone mom.
Worst of all, I have miscarried twice this year. My husband wants to “put a pin in it” when it comes to having our own child. He will not give me any kind of timeline. I don’t even feel like a wife and mother anymore, just a deluded fool who was the unpaid housekeeper that my husband wanted to sleep with. Our insurance doesn’t cover therapy so I am working extra shifts to pay for the twins to see someone. I feel like I have to act now or I will lose my chance at motherhood. I don’t know if that means staying or going.
—Step Mom