This is something to work on in therapy.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

After struggling with depression and episodic suicidal thoughts for many years, I finally reached a breaking point, and my therapist recommended that I check myself into a partial hospitalization program (PHP). It’s going well so far, but my question is about my parents. Neither has a history of mental health issues/treatment, and they really don’t understand why this happened (I haven’t told them about the suicidal thoughts). I let them know by a family email, and they were immediately concerned but seemed to feel better after they talked to me.

However, I had a phone call with my mom this morning, and after briefly asking how I was doing, she continued to have a conversation as if nothing was going on. This is part of a pattern where my mom seems really uncomfortable talking to me about my mental health and rarely asks or talks about it. My dad is actually a bit more open, but he still doesn’t “get it.” My suspicion is that they feel guilty that I have depression (I don’t blame them at all) and think they did something wrong to cause it. So that makes me feel like I have to reassure them that I’m OK, even when I’m not. I guess my question is, should I address the guilt with them? If so, how? I suspect the answer is that I should just focus on getting better right now and put them on an information diet. At the same time, I want them to want to know what’s going on. They say they think about me all the time, but they rarely call or email, so it’s kind of hard to believe.

—Don’t Need the Guilt, Thanks

climbingsingle

Definitely something to talk about in therapy. 

My dad always seemed like he never understand my anxiety disorder. It was frustrating. I only last month found out that my dad has been suffering from panic attacks since he was in his 20s. 

banana468

Talk about this in the program.  If your parents have a habit of turning a blind eye to stress mention that their coping mechanism does the opposite of coping for you. 

MyNameIsNot

I don't understand this trend of LWs who write Prudie with these huge ripe-for-therapy problems, mention that they are in therapy, and then expect Prudie to be able to give advice. It's pretty obvious that the parents' discomfort with the topic of LW's mental health is a problem, and may even be part of the reason that things got as bad as they did.

Maybe LW is afraid of what the therapist is going to say?

mrsconn23

MyNameIsNot said:

Maybe LW is afraid of what the therapist is going to say?

Or maybe they're hoping Prudie will disagree with their therapist.  

charlotte989875

mrsconn23 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

Maybe LW is afraid of what the therapist is going to say?

Or maybe they're hoping Prudie will disagree with their therapist.  

I think it’s this right here. 

Wild speculative guess right here- LW wants their parents to want to talk more about their mental health, but the parents just can’t (for whatever reason). Your mental health situation is provoking feelings in them they are uncomfortable with and don’t know how to deal with so they call and talk about literally anything else. They’re not ill intended they just don’t know how to manage the feelings that are coming up in them. Therapist is probably saying that LW should talk about their own feelings in therapy and focus on their own feelings, not the suspected feelings of their parents. 

But LW is making a lot of assumptions (guilt, that the parents don’t really care) and again- the place for that is therapy, not with the parents. They can’t fix this for you.