Wedding Woes

It's time to reach out to Beth and just ask what's going on.

Dear Prudence,

I met my best friend “Beth” 12 years ago during our freshman year of college—we spent our early-20s partying, drinking, traveling, and generally enjoying single life together. We talked a lot about maintaining that lifestyle forever. However, when I was 24 I started dating my husband and we got married when I was 27. I worried Beth would be upset when I got engaged, but she was thrilled. She and my husband get along really well, she was my maid of honor, and I was able to continue visiting her, traveling, and generally maintaining the friendship. During COVID, we FaceTimed and texted regularly. I figured this was a sign we could still be close friends even while going down different life paths.

However, over the last two years, my husband and I started seriously discussing children. We kept it close to our chests but started saving, taking parenting classes, reading books, etc. I’m now 15 weeks pregnant and I’m so, so excited! I’ve been planning this for years and now it’s finally happening. But when I told Beth, she was very upset. All of our other friends and family are really excited, but Beth just asked me if the pregnancy was planned in a flat tone and then said she had to hang up the phone when I said yes. That was three weeks ago and I haven’t heard from her since. Where do I go from here? I knew she might take it hard but I’m devastated to have that confirmed. I’d really hoped she’d be an aunt figure to my child. But now I’m reevaluating the friendship entirely.

—Should We Break Up?

Re: It's time to reach out to Beth and just ask what's going on.

  • You two are supposed to be good friends.  Give her time and then call her.  Ask what's going on and feel her out.  Maybe she's going through a tough time if she feels like others are changing and she isn't- but you won't know if you don't ask. 
  • Reach out to her. If you’re such good friends, and this is out of character for her, you should ask what’s up. 

    But also- why would you expect her to have a bad reaction to your marriage, or to your pregnancy? That just seems like such a weird thing to expect from a good friend. 
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