Time to start working on timelines/deadlines.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I’m currently housing my (much younger) sister. She graduated from a very nice college three months ago, and had a great internship last summer, but can’t find a job and is getting increasingly stressed. She’s quiet, helps cook and clean, and watches our baby occasionally, so she’s not an unpleasant house guest. It’s that we’re all stressed because she needs to get a job and get her life started, but her methods haven’t worked (she’s only gotten two interviews) and she won’t let me or my husband help.

We’re successful mid-career people who are both hiring managers. We’ve recommended that instead of cold dropping resumes online where her resume may never get read, she changes her tactic and networks her way into companies via events, by reaching out on LinkedIn, or by reaching out to her alumni network or using my husband and my extensive networks. It’s unclear if she’s taken our advice because she doesn’t communicate. We’ve offered resume reviews but she’s not shared it. I’ve asked if she’s open to expanding the types of roles she’s applying to, but she doesn’t want to. She’s an introvert, hides in her room all day except for meals, and doesn’t engage when we offer our help. She is also the type to never ask for help and to run from problems, which my teenage self can relate to. I remember it took me four months to find a job post-college, and then I was off to the races. Is there anything we can do differently to get through to her? Is there anything we can do to help or should we let her be? It will get harder for her as time drags on and she stays unemployed.

—Help or Leave Her Be?

banana468

Be clear that your house isn't her escape from reality.  No one wants to parent a peer but if this is starting to be more of an issue for your household sit down together and work on a timeline with expectations.  She's likely depressed but you also need to pull that out of her to work on a timeline and goals. 

MyNameIsNot

Is she cold dropping resumes or is she applying for open positions? Because contrary to what people who sell career advice like to say, applying to open positions is how the majority of people (especially entry level people) get jobs. At most, I would offer to connect her with independent recruiters that you've worked with in the past. 

If you need to put timeline on her staying with you, raise that separate from telling her how to go about getting a job. 

banana468

MyNameIsNot said:

Is she cold dropping resumes or is she applying for open positions? Because contrary to what people who sell career advice like to say, applying to open positions is how the majority of people (especially entry level people) get jobs. At most, I would offer to connect her with independent recruiters that you've worked with in the past. 

If you need to put timeline on her staying with you, raise that separate from telling her how to go about getting a job. 

Also, there may be a need to consider getting A job vs. THE job.  Sometimes that means looking for retail work which is grueling but it's a paycheck. 

short+sassy

banana468 said:

Be clear that your house isn't her escape from reality.  No one wants to parent a peer but if this is starting to be more of an issue for your household sit down together and work on a timeline with expectations.  She's likely depressed but you also need to pull that out of her to work on a timeline and goals. 

I would want to find a way to as gently, but firmly, schedule some strategy sessions.  I wouldn't want to say it's mandatory.  But yeah, it is.

I normally wouldn't want to treat another adult that way.  But when they're young and inexperienced.  And holed up in a room of my house, living off my largesse.  Then they are going to let me review their resume and listen to my suggestions.  At least try some of the other job search techniques mentioned.

She may not understand yet, but one of the best ways to get a job is a recommendation from someone else.  With the LW and her H being hiring managers AND having an extensive network, the sister is missing a golden opportunity for their help!

I have almost no network, lol.  But have gotten two jobs, including my current one, because I knew someone who already worked there and they passed along my resume.