Dear Prudence,
I am a 51-year-old happily married man living in a fairly large metropolitan area on the West Coast, about three hours or so from where I grew up. We moved here 16 years ago to get away from a combination of extreme weather and the extreme conservativism of the Midwest.
The move West has been a successful one. I have a good job, and my spouse and I enjoy many shared activities. My problem is, however, that in my time here, despite my best efforts, I have made no close friends. I have tried a lot of things…MeetUp groups, joining social sports leagues, joining a gym, performing in community music productions, etc., and while I am good at making acquaintances, I have not connected with anyone at a personal level to form any kind of bond. While I have some high school friends within driving distance, the three-plus decades since graduation have put a damper on those relationships.
While we were in the Midwest, I was a public high school teacher, and being a teacher comes with a built-in set of friends over shared experiences. I have since moved to the private sector, however, and that relationship outlet has ended. Prior to teaching, I had many friends in college and in the military before that. I have no friends in my current job, and likely will not make any. Is my wish to have a close male friend that I can hang out with, talk to about personal issues, and generally consider to be a “bestie” an unreasonable one? At a certain age, do you simply stop making friends? The whole situation is starting to make me just a little depressed.
—Friendless But Not By Choice