Wedding Woes

Something to work out in therapy.


Dear Prudence, 

My father cheated on my mother for years and even had a secret family with his mistress. It all came out horribly when I was in high school and my mother was battling cancer at the time. I cut my father out of my life.

He made a few attempts but they were half-hearted at best. He rather slink off and play happy family and pretend my mother and I didn’t exist. Some attempts at reconciliation happened when my grandmother got sick. Part of me was actually hoping it would work. Only my father keeps pressing me to meet his other kids and even presented me with pictures they drew asking me to be their big brother.

I have no interest in the kids or either mother. I honestly don’t think I could be around them and not say something wrong. I acknowledge they are innocent in all this, but I am not up for playing pretend anymore. I miss my father. We used to be very close when I was a kid. How do I navigate this?

—Son of One

Re: Something to work out in therapy.

  • See a good therapist.  And tell your dad that you do not want to hurt the kids but you aren't interested or ready in a relationship especially when past patterns indicate that they are balanced precariously on his whims. 
  • I hope LW is in therapy.  B/c this is a "I want the relationship I thought I had with this person I thought I knew".  LW has got to decide if he wants to accept his father for who his father is and have a relationship with that man or back off.

    Also, I wouldn't want a relationship with someone who is that out of touch with reality.  What an incredibly selfish and shitty thing to do to his LW.
  • Figure some of this out in therapy. What kind of relationship do you want? How will you handle it if he can’t/won’t do that? How will you handle him pushing for “more”? Figure out those boundaries first then decide.  
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