You're not being unfair, but you have to find a way to communicate.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

For 10 years, my husband has tried to “find himself.” I’ve supported him through a full B.A., a year-long internship, and several stops and starts with different jobs. Finally, he seemed to find his place and had a very successful contract job, but it took several months to find another. He hates this new job. Every morning and night he talks about how hard it is, how he can’t keep up, how the work is also boring, how his boss doesn’t understand him. And all I can hear in my head is how I’m going to end up having to support our family alone again while he switches jobs again. When I told him it was hard to hear these things because it felt like he was tacitly telling me he was going to quit, he got angry and said that he wasn’t going to quit, but he should be allowed to vent to his wife. I just can’t handle the complaining—my anxiety is through the roof. Is it unfair of me to want him to try to be more positive?

—The Never-Ending Breadwinner

STARMOON44

It is not unfair. And it’s also ok to say that many people don’t like their jobs, but food on the table matters and after a decade of supporting him, you need him to keep this job and complaining about it constantly isn’t the way to do that. But I’d also consider filing for divorce quickly while he’s still employed to try and reduce the likelihood you’ll be on the hook for alimony. 

banana468

I think you need to talk to the husband and ask what his actual plan is.  Because you can complain and know food needs to be on the table.   You can also actually seek advice from those that are skilled at giving it because figuring out a new career may not be something in his skill set.