Dear Prudence,
My marriage, like many, has a division of labor issue. My husband tends to only take action on occasional and novel chores: assembling furniture, pruning the garden annually, organizing the garage, etc. I’m grateful for this, but of course, a household runs on constant, boring tasks that are never truly done. We’ve gone around and around about this issue, and I’ve mostly settled into lowering my standards for a clean house rather than stressing about it all the time. We each have a list of things we’re supposed to take full responsibility for and I try to ignore the things that aren’t on my list (unless my husband is sick, out of town, overwhelmed with work, etc.) The issue that we’re having that I can’t sit with though, is how he does certain chores.
The three main things are cleaning the kitchen, doing all of our clothes laundry, and cleaning up after the pets. These are supposed to be his chores, as I’m the cook and shopper, do the non-clothes laundry, and feed the pets (among so many other things). The main problem is timeliness. I’m constantly cooking in a dirty kitchen, moving stuff out of the way, and hand-washing items I need. He loads the dishwasher but often forgets to start it, and piles up things that can’t go in the machine indefinitely. He leaves laundry until we’re both out of clothes, often won’t fold them until I’m around to help, and then completely ignores my simple and labeled organization system in the closet. Our older dog can’t hold it as well and has accidents inside sometimes. His solution is to completely cover the puddle in paper towels and then walk around it for a day or two. Our cat started exclusively going outside, but the three litter boxes I’ve been asking him to wash and store are still around a year later. This is all driving me nuts. I hate being a nag and he doesn’t receive feedback well. I’m not even a hyper-clean person—it just makes sense to me to have the things I need ready to go and not have to maneuver around messes for days on end. I feel like in general I get all the high-stakes chores and he gets to do all the stuff that has some wiggle room, until it doesn’t and then he still procrastinates. I’m having flashbacks to my exasperated mom dealing with me and my brother as teens! What can I do??
—Not a Mom