4 men in the world.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I do not feel I am a priority to my boyfriend. On weekends, he goes Friday and Saturday night to his mother’s to play video games with his nephew. It’s not every Friday and Saturday night, but if his nephew is there, he goes. Am I wasting my time on a 43-year-old man who would rather see family than me during our free time? He works two jobs, so we don’t have time together during the weeknights at all.

—Better Off Alone

banana468

I think if your boyfriend is so busy working two jobs and seeing his "nephew" for video games then you are correct that you aren't a priority.

DTMFA. 

charlotte989875

How old is his nephew? Are his parents gone a lot/busy/ not around much? Maybe he’s trying to be a good influence for him. 

But whatever the backstory you’re not okay with this. Have you talked with him about this? How did it go? 

If you want to leave you don’t need a reason, but seems like you’re looking for Prudie to pick a side when really you just need to decide if you want to be with this guy or not. 

levioosa

Yeah. He’s barely/never around on the weeknights and on the weekends he spends it all with his “nephew.”  Sure. 

short+sassy

I'm going with the assumption he is really playing video games with his nephew and visiting his mom.  Is the LW invited also and just doesn't want to go?  Or could she, the b/f, and the nephew do other things together?  Has she talked to him about limiting that time?

I can understand someone wanting to spend time with their nephew.  But it is excessive to spend the whole weekend there.

I had an issue like this with a college sweetheart.  He went to school f/t 2-3 days/week and his college was over an hour away from where he lived.  Worked a p/t job during the day when he wasn't in school.  He was also on his school's fencing team, so there went most of his weekday nights.  He insisted on hanging out with his family on Fri./Sat. nights, though I was invited.  Spent Sat./Sun. days doing his homework and studying.  I'd hang out with him for that also, but it wasn't quality time.  We were just doing our homework in the same room or I was reading a book.

It wasn't his fault he was so busy.  All of those things were important.  But so was I and I couldn't deal with it anymore.  I put it off for months because I knew how much he loved fencing.  But I finally laid out how unhappy I was with how little quality time we spent together.  I asked him to quit the fencing team so we could have more time together and told him I couldn't stay in the relationship if that didn't change.  He was a little mad I gave him an ultimatum, but I was at the end of my rope and it wasn't a fake one.  I was hurt he wouldn't give up fencing for me, but wasn't surprised or angry about it.   It wasn't a nasty break-up.  We were both really sad, but realized it was for the best.