Your wife has to walk away from her.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

A friend of my wife I’ll call “Stacy” is becoming very needy and stressing her out. They’ve been friends since college, but Stacy’s divorce, tendency to party too hard, and relentless job hopping have left her very lonely. My wife is extremely loyal and trying to be there for her while many others in their old friend circle have abandoned her. Stacy is a beautiful woman with a great career, but her relationship issues have destroyed her self-esteem and that stems from the “Hyde” that comes out when she parties too hard, ruining both romantic and friendly relationships. I support my wife, but Stacy needs therapy and she’s become an emotional burden on the only friend she has left. She keeps looking to my wife for advice on practically everything, but she needs real professional help to get her through these struggles and my wife needs a break from her.

—We Can’t Fix This

banana468

Sometimes caring for someone means tough love.  And sometimes tough love means "I am not your nonstop sounding board."

charlotte989875

Is your wife feeling this way, or are you? It’s her relationship with Stacy and she’s an adult and needs to manage that as she sees fit. If it’s impacting your relationship with your wife you need to address that price of it. If you’re tired of hearing about Stacy, say that. If your wife asks you for advice, but then never follows through on anything, talk about that. But this sounds like you’re annoyed with Stacy when your wife is the one who is friends with her. 

short+sassy

charlotte989875 said:

Is your wife feeling this way, or are you? It’s her relationship with Stacy and she’s an adult and needs to manage that as she sees fit. If it’s impacting your relationship with your wife you need to address that price of it. If you’re tired of hearing about Stacy, say that. If your wife asks you for advice, but then never follows through on anything, talk about that. But this sounds like you’re annoyed with Stacy when your wife is the one who is friends with her. 

Yeeaahhh.  This letter is sounds like only the LW's problem.  There is no mention the wife has ever complained about Stacy's neediness.

Now if the wife is neglecting the marriage because of the time spent with Stacy or talking too much about Stacy's problems, then that is what the LW should address with their wife.  

mrsconn23

If he knows this much about Stacy's drama, I have to assume that his wife is downloading on him.  I think it's OK for him to tell her he needs a break from the "Stacy show", but I don't think he needs to try to give his wife any boundaries on her relationship with Stacy.   

There are ways to be supportive of his wife without making judgments regarding what Stacy is or isn't doing.  He can point out to her that she doesn't need to be at Stacy's beck and call or that friendship is a two-way street or other things that basically are like, "Hey, you're being too nice/available/etc. and you don't have to be."

DH had to tell me he needed a break from hearing about my friend J's divorce drama because it pissed him off that she was so wishy-washy and continuously throwing up roadblocks that got in her way.  He, of course, shared his opinion about what he thought J should be doing and whatnot, but he never told me to stop talking to her.  I did respect that and I ended up taking breaks from her as well because I did get to a point of frustration as well.