Dear Prudence,
I’ve been married to my amazing husband for almost 11 years now, and while I can’t imagine my life with anyone else, we’re at a bit of an impasse. All his life, he was told he was stupid, talked down to, and belittled by his parents and teachers. He barely made it out of high school alive but managed to scrape out an AA before giving up on school entirely. He’s worked in bars and restaurants for the last two decades because of this, and while he hates the work, thinks it’s the only thing he’s good at. Prudie, my husband is so much smarter and talented than he could ever imagine. He can visualize and execute complex construction projects without ever looking at a blueprint, and after a few hours of YouTube, he taught himself how to rewire our diesel truck. But he still considers himself stupid and unworthy of “real jobs” because he “isn’t smart enough.” His last “real job” ended badly because of a conflict with his absolutely unhinged boss.
Now we’re at a point in our lives where his part-time income (I work full time) from bartending isn’t covering the bills. There is an amazing opportunity with our county that has opened up that encompasses everything he loves to do, like fishing and boating, but because it involves some technical computer work and mapping systems, he thinks it is out of his reach. I disagree. I convinced him to submit his résumé, anyway, and he was selected for an interview. Now he’s panicking because he’s worried that he’ll just fail again like the last job (they’re in similar fields). I’ve been trying to remind him that the last job failed because his boss was an utter lunatic, and that he is so much more qualified than he gives himself credit for it. Therapy has never been on the table (I’ve been suggesting it for years to no avail), but I have no idea how I can convince him that he is smart and worthy and very good at what he does.
—Supportive Wife, Insecure Husband