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Wedding Woes

Overstep or appropriate solution?

I had to take my 8-year-old stepdaughter and her 5-year-old half-sister over a non-custodial weekend because their mother had a family emergency and my husband was out of town. I literally only had an hour’s notice to prepare. I have tried very, very, very hard to build a civil relationship with my stepdaughter’s mother. She treats me somewhere between the hired help and the village idiot. I have held my tongue until now. I was making brunch when the girls got into the art supplies and found the safety scissors. My stepdaughter decided to give her sister a haircut by cutting off a pigtail. Cue the blood curdling scream. I ran upstairs to find the 5-year-old bawling and my stepdaughter panicking. I calmed both of the girls down as much as I could but it didn’t help. I texted their mother and after four hours of not hearing any response—I took the girls to a hairdresser to even the hair out.

The 5-year-old got a bob to even out the damage. My stepdaughter got a small trim to prove to her sister how “brave” she could be. Maybe I overstepped, I thought I did my best considering. The girls were happy and calm the rest of the weekend. Their mother texted me “k” when I updated her on the situation and sent her pictures. She didn’t say a word to me when she picked the girls up later. She did, however, scream her head off when my husband got back for my “neglect” and “passive aggressive BS.” I didn’t get the girls a haircut out of some ideological tug of war, they were upset and it was just a haircut! It wasn’t even a temporary dye. My stepdaughter cut off her sister’s hair in a moment of childhood impulse. There is zero gratitude here. Can I say something and what do I say?

—Haircut

Re: Overstep or appropriate solution?

  • Tell your H that if he isn't going to defend you to his ex then you two need to have a big talk.  
  • You also don’t do this again. If you’re going to be showered with hate for providing emergency care, then don’t do it. 
  • You were responsible for them for the weekend, you made a decision (probably the right one) after trying to contact their mother, I don’t see that you did anything wrong. Maybe you should have texted your husband about the impromptu home hair styling and let him decide what to do. Then he’s responsible for dealing with their mother with whatever comes up. 

    Oh and don’t do emergency help for her in the future unless your husband is home too. 
  • You were responsible for them for the weekend, you made a decision (probably the right one) after trying to contact their mother, I don’t see that you did anything wrong. Maybe you should have texted your husband about the impromptu home hair styling and let him decide what to do. Then he’s responsible for dealing with their mother with whatever comes up. 

    Oh and don’t do emergency help for her in the future unless your husband is home too. 
    Yup. And ffs, this happens to like 50% of kids. I once gave my babysitter’s dog an absolutely stellar shag cut in the 90 seconds she was getting something from another room. No one got hurt. Maybe bob haircuts don’t suit them and they get some cringey childhood photos out of it and a funny story. This is not the end of the world. 


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  • You say, "You're welcome I provided emergency child care when you were in a major jam and needed the help."
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