My cousin Mary and I are only about a year and a half apart in age—we grew up seeing each other pretty regularly, and became quite close in our mid-twenties. That was about 20 years ago and we were best friends, as much as adults can be, until recently. She wrote me a long text about three days before my birthday citing all of my faults as a reason why we can’t be friends anymore, but she hopes we can reconnect one day, “hoping the next time we see each other isn’t at a funeral.” She is in a financially and emotionally abusive relationship, but in the past has said, well, he doesn’t hit me so… Both my mother and I used to live hours away, but now we are within driving distance, so I believe her partner wants to shut down the relationship because we could and would offer her help to leave if she ever wanted to.
The biggest problem in all of this is her 10-year-old son, “Michael,” whose father is the partner mentioned above. I have no other nieces or nephews and have always had a special relationship with him. It is almost his birthday now, and I am wondering if I should even try to continue to have a relationship with him (i.e. birthday and Christmas gifts), or if that is just going to be hard on him. Due to the way his mother dismissed me, I cannot imagine ever having a relationship with her again, but I don’t want him to think I just stopped thinking about him, especially since I am sure that, at best, his mother has given him no explanation as to why I am not around anymore. Should I just leave Michael alone or continue sending gifts for special occasions in case his mother wants to renew the relationship?
—Damned If I Do, Damned If I Don’t