Have your holidays and bean dip Sara

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My husband used to work for a major theme park. As a perk, we could get guests into the park for free. It was a bit of a family tradition that I would take the kids of the family for an outing or two while their parents got a little time for themselves. The rules were simple: They had to be potty trained and only family. I wasn’t taking time off to take everyone on earth for a free vacation. At the end of my husband working there, my brother had been dating “Sara” for a few months. Sara was a single mom of two and I had never met her or her kids at that point. My brother wanted to bring Sara and the kids down for a visit with all the bells and whistles. I declined. A girlfriend of a few months didn’t fit the family rule and my husband and I were looking at relocating. My brother ended up marrying Sara. And Sara is the type never to forget a slight or let go of a grudge.

At every family gathering if someone mentions the subject, Sara has to get her digs in at me. I have tried to rise above it but I finally snapped. She made a comment that we “owed” her kids a trip. I told Sara to stop being so cheap and pay for her own damn vacation. Sara made a scene and they left early. I am not sorry it was said, I am sorry that Sara’s kids were present. She has said worse in front of them. The family is divided about the upcoming holidays. Our parents don’t want another fight but the rest of us are tired of Sara and her entire entitlement. My brother is firmly under his wife’s thumb so there is no hope there. What should we do other than skip the holidays all together?

—Need a Vacation

banana468

Enjoy the holidays and have them.  Bean dip Sara and don't fall for her trap of getting into an argument. 

short+sassy

Eh, I think the LW was originally being a bit petty.  As long as Sara and the brother were going to the amusement park also, I don't see the big deal in making that one of the days out while they were in town.

I can understand why Sara's feelings were hurt.  But for the sake of everyone, she should have let this go a long time ago.

Each family gets to choose whatever they want for the holidays.  I think it would be a shame for half the people to stop going to the parent's house, just because of Sara.  But if that is their line in the sand, then they can do something else.

I'd like to hear Sara's side.  My spidey senses are picking up a close family who gave Sara the cold shoulder for a long time until she was "real" family after the wedding.  And now there is bad blood on all sides.

banana468

Honestly I think the brother is the one who screwed up here.  If the terms were clear and it's as LW said I can understand that the brother should have gone to the sister directly to say, "I'm crazy about this girl and she has two kids.  Can you make an exception?" and then he could tell Sara AFTER he talked about it with his sister.

Instead Sara gets wind of something with known strings and is upset that she didn't meet the clearly stated criteria.   I'd be pretty upset that my brother wanted me to treat people who were unknown to me to what can amount to a several hundred dollar (or more) gift. 

charlotte989875

Go to the holidays but don’t engage with her. Even if your brother does everything she wants or believes everything she says doesn’t mean the rest of you have to engage with that. 

Casadena

short+sassy said:

Eh, I think the LW was originally being a bit petty.  As long as Sara and the brother were going to the amusement park also, I don't see the big deal in making that one of the days out while they were in town.

I can understand why Sara's feelings were hurt.  But for the sake of everyone, she should have let this go a long time ago.

Each family gets to choose whatever they want for the holidays.  I think it would be a shame for half the people to stop going to the parent's house, just because of Sara.  But if that is their line in the sand, then they can do something else.

I'd like to hear Sara's side.  My spidey senses are picking up a close family who gave Sara the cold shoulder for a long time until she was "real" family after the wedding.  And now there is bad blood on all sides.

This is how i read it too, i thought LW was petty from the get go. The tickets were free, you're brother clearly was serious about this woman. I'm getting super judgy vibes from LW with the "single mom of two" "clearly doesn't fit the family only criteria". Like, sure, those things are technically true, but she seems overly judgy and rude, imo. 

That said, Sara still be crabby about it is ridiculous. Again, a prudie letter can be solved wtih "just don't engage in the conversation" (can you tell i have toddlers who are adorable emotional terrorists and this has become my 100x daily mantra?)