Write it down for her, seriously.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

For over a decade now, my mother has been experiencing a gradual loss of hearing. Her father had hearing problems and used a hearing aid for decades, so it did not come as a surprise when her hearing started declining. She saw a doctor a couple of times and apparently there were no issues, but that was 15 and 10 years ago. Since then, the hearing loss is pretty obvious to all. She insists that it’s mostly busy environments or situations where multiple people are talking at once but after she spent a month with us to help with my new baby, it is clear to me that is not the case. We have a generally quiet home, which was even quieter when my baby was a newborn, and yet there were times when I had to repeat something multiple times, slowly, enunciating every syllable, louder and louder until I was on the brink of screaming at her.

She will not see a doctor and is not interested in hearing aids (uncomfortable and expensive being her main arguments against them even though she has not even tried them and we can afford them). I don’t blame her, most of the time, as my dad and sister are pretty unpleasant people and not being able to hear them is probably worth the isolation, in her mind. Still, it is frustrating that she is choosing this. I don’t know if I am being ableist here, but having her come to help with the baby, and having the baby’s sleep disrupted because she can’t hear my slow, clearly spoken, short sentences is not fun. Nor is it fun to know that she is opting for minimal communication with me (a regular conversation is just not possible in person, she pretends to hear and only gets about 50 percent of it). Is this just one of those things I have to accept and move on from or is there something I can do here?

—She Won’t Hear of Hearing Aids,

banana468

I would not leave anyone in charge of my child if there was a danger the child could not be heard.  Full stop.

I'd tell my mom that you're happy to go with her places for hearing assessment and you're happy to have her over, but in her state she absolutely will never be in a position where the care of a baby can be entrusted to her because she does not have the full capacity of her senses required. 

charlotte989875

I’m absolutely with @banana468. Mom can make her own choices but that doesn’t mean you have to live with them completely. I wouldn’t leave anyone with the baby who is unwilling to address a medical issue that impacts their ability to care for my newborn. 

levioosa

I’m with you guys. Not that it always works, but educating people that their hearing loss will contribute to the development of social isolation and dementia is often a good way to get them at least a little receptive to hearing aids. As is telling them that if they wait too long, hearing aids are no longer an option and then they’re really going to struggle. 

short+sassy

I watched an interesting and fun documentary about how people's brains work.

One of the segments was about hearing and had a studio audience.  But the tv audience could "play" also.  They said that hearing loss with age is a very well documented phenomenon.

They had everyone in the audience stand up.  Then they played a sound at particular pitch.  Verified that everyone could hear it, they all could.

Then they played a sound at a different pitch.  They asked everyone who could not hear it to sit down.  Some of the elderly audience members did.  The guy leading the game, told them they were in their 80s.  The people who sat down started laughing and nodding.

This same thing progressed for every "10 years" of age.  It worked for me also!  I was in my 40s and could just barely hear a tone for that age group.  I couldn't hear the next one at all.

It was especially interesting when it got down to the final two groups.  Teenagers and younger children.  Sure enough, just like every other group, a tone was played that the teenagers couldn't hear and they sat down.  But the younger children could and stayed standing.

That's what is hard for the mom.  Hearing loss is a sign of aging because it IS!  For everyone.

I also find it interesting that the mother apparently agreed to hearing tests 10 and 15 years ago.  But won't now.  She knows in her heart of hearts it will now show she needs a hearing aid and she doesn't want to face it.